A Fairytale Story
by forsaken2003
Summary: A classic fairy tale, with swordplay, giants, an evil prince, a handsome hero, and yes, some kissing
1. Prologue

Title: A Fairytale Story Prologue/11

Author: Forsaken2003

Pairing: William/Xander  
Rating: R  
Disclaimer: I own none, all belong to Joss Whedon  
Comments: Always welcomed!  
Summary: A classic fairy tale, with swordplay, giants, an evil prince, a handsome hero, and yes, some kissing  
Warnings/Spoilers: Human Verse. Out of Character.

Note: (A Spander adaptation of the movie 'The Princess Bride') Uses actual dialogue from the movie Please don't sue!

Beta'd by: Whichclothes

Note 2: Chapters vary in length.

**Prologue **

Alexander Harris was raised on a small farm in the country of Florin. His favorite pastimes were riding his horse and tormenting the farm boy that worked there. His name was William Pratt, but Alexander never called him that. Nothing gave Alexander as much pleasure as ordering William around.

Alexander stood and held the reins of his horse, while William stood in the stable doorway and watched him. Alexander was in his late teens. He didn't care much about clothes and he hated brushing his shaggy hair, so he wasn't as attractive as he might be, but he was still probably the most handsome man in the world.

"Farm boy. Polish my horse's saddle. I want to see my face shining in it by morning," Alexander ordered, not looking at William.

"As you wish," William said quietly, his eyes never leaving Alexander's face. William was perhaps half a dozen years older than Alexander. And just as handsome in his own way. He gazed after Alexander as he walked away. _As you wish_ was all he ever said to Alexander.

William was outside, chopping wood. Alexander came up to him and dropped two large buckets near him. "Farm Boy, fill these with water," Alexander said and then added. "Please."

"As you wish," William said once again. As Alexander left William's eyes stayed on him. Alexander stopped and turned. William managed to look away as Alexander's eyes now stayed on him.

That day, Alexander was amazed to discover that when William said, "As you wish," what he meant was, "I love you."

Alexander was in the kitchen when William entered with an armload of firewood. And even more amazing was the day he realized he truly loved William back. Alexander pointed to a pitcher that he could have easily reached himself. "Farm Boy, fetch me that pitcher."

William collected the pitcher and handed it to Alexander. They stood very close to each other and gazed into each other's eyes.

"As you wish," William replied, before he turned around and moved outside.

William and Alexander stood outside William's tiny shack in the red glow of the sunset. They were locked in a passionate kiss.

William had no money for marriage. So he had packed his few belongings and would leave the farm to seek his fortune across the sea. They stood near the gate to the farm, locked in an embrace neither wanted to let go but knew they had to if they ever want to have a future together.

"I fear I'll never see you again," Alexander said. He tried to be strong but his voice gave away his fear.

"Of course you will," William said with a reassuring smile.

Alexander shook his head. "But what if something happens to you?"

William took Alexander's face into his hands. "Hear this now: I will come for you."

"But how can you be sure?" Alexander asked. William didn't seem to have a doubt in his mind that they would meet again.

"This is true love. You think this happens every day?" William asked with a raise of an eyebrow. He smiled at Alexander causing him to smile back. Alexander threw his arms tightly around William's neck. They kissed once more, and then William walked away. Alexander watched him go.

William never reached his destination. His ship was attacked by the Dread Pirate Roberts, who never left his captives alive. When Alexander got the news that William had been murdered he had no idea how he would survive.

Alexander went into his room and shut the door. For days, he neither slept nor ate. With no emotion at all in his voice Alexander declared, "I will never love again." A tear slid down his face.


	2. Chapter 1

Title: A Fairytale Story 1/11

Author: Forsaken2003

Pairing: William/Xander  
Rating: R  
Disclaimer: I own none, all belong to Joss Whedon  
Comments: Always welcomed!  
Summary: A classic fairy tale, with swordplay, giants, an evil prince, a handsome hero, and yes, some kissing  
Warnings/Spoilers: Human Verse. Out of Character.

Note: (A Spander adaptation of the movie 'The Princess Bride') Uses actual dialogue from the movie Please don't sue!

Beta'd by: Whichclothes

Note 2: Chapters vary in length.

**Part One**

Five Years Later:

The main courtyard of Florin City was filled with the townspeople, livestock, and a bustling marketplace. The main square was filled as never before to hear the announcement of the great Prince Liam Angelus's groom-to be.

Prince Angelus was a man of incredible power and bearing. He stood in his royal robes on the castle balcony. Three others stood behind him; an old couple with crowns, the aging king and queen; and a dark bearded man who seemed the prince's match in strength, Count Rayne. Prince Angelus raised his hands and began to speak. "My people ... a month from now, our country will have its 500th anniversary. On that sundown, I shall marry a man who was once a commoner like yourselves." He paused a moment. "But perhaps you will not find him common now. Would you like to meet him?"

The answering YES boomed like summer thunder.

A giant staircase led to the crowd. A figure on the stairway became visible. And if there was such a thing as collective action, then this crowd, collectively, held its breath. The figure appeared in the archway. It was Alexander and he was magnificent.

"My people... Prince Alexander!" Prince Angelus's voice bellowed.

Alexander descended the stairs and started to move amongst the people.

The crowd, they did a very strange thing: with no instruction at all, they suddenly went to their knees. Great waves of people knelt and Alexander was suddenly terribly moved. He stood immobile among his subjects, blinking back tears.

Alexander's emptiness consumed him. Although the law of the land gave Prince Liam the right to choose his groom, Alexander did not love him. He never would.

Alexander was in the woodlands sprinting along, and controlled his horse easily. Despite Prince Angelus's reassurance that Alexander would grow to love him, the only joy Alexander found was in his daily ride. It was close to sundown. Lovely, quiet, deserted. Alexander suddenly pulled the reins in.

"A word, my good sir?" Three men stood close together on the path. Beyond them could be seen the waters of Florin Channel. The three men were not your everyday traveler types. Standing in front was a tiny man with the most angelic face. He was Sicilian and his name was Snyder. Beside him was a British man, erect and taut as a blade of steel. His name was Rupert Giles. Beside him was a giant and his name was Larry Blaisdell**.**

Snyder continued to speak. "We are but poor, lost circus performers. Is there a village nearby?" he asked looking tired and hopeful.

Alexander shook his head. "There is nothing nearby. Not for miles."

"Then there will be no one to hear you yell," Snyder replied with a malicious smile. He nodded to the giant, Larry, who merely reached over and touched a nerve on Alexander's neck. The start of a scream was all Alexander could manage, as unconsciousness came that fast. Larry caught him before he fell off his horse.

A sailboat was secured to a tiny isolated spot at the edge of Florin Channel. It was now dusk and the shadows were long. Rupert busied himself getting the boat ready.

Larry carried Alexander's unconscious body on board.

Snyder ripped some tiny pieces of fabric from an army jacket and tucked them along the saddle of Alexander's horse. There was about the entire operation a sense of tremendous skill and precision.

"What is that you're ripping?" Rupert asked curiously.

Snyder didn't stop what he is doing or turn to look at Rupert. "It's fabric from the uniform of an Army officer of Guilder."

"Who's Guilder?" Larry asked as he made sure Alexander was as comfortable as possible for being unconscious.

Pointing straight out Snyder said, "The country across the sea is the sworn enemy of Florin."

He slapped the horse's rump. "Go!"

The horse took off.

"Once the horse reaches the castle, the fabric will make the Prince suspect the Guilderians have abducted his love. When he finds his love's body dead on the Guilder frontier, his suspicions will be completely confirmed." Snyder explained his plan.

Larry frowned. "You never said anything about killing anyone."

Snyder hopped onto the boat. "I've hired you to help me start a war. That's a prestigious line of work with a long and glorious tradition."

"I just don't think it's right, killing an innocent boy," Larry continued. He stopped when Snyder whirled around and stared at him.

"Am I going mad or did the word 'think' escape your lips? You were not hired for your brains, you hippopotamic land mass," Snyder said, while he stared at Larry in disgust.

"I agree with Larry," Rupert stepped up. He would not let Larry stand up to Snyder alone.

Snyder became furious. "Oh. The sot has spoken. What happens to him is not truly your concern I will kill him." He spoke louder. "And remember this, never forget this…" He advanced on them. Nothing showed on Rupert's face, but Larry was panicked by Snyder. Snyder looked at Rupert. "When I found you, you were so slobbering drunk you couldn't buy brandy." His attention went to Larry who retreated as much as he could while Snyder advanced on him. "And you, friendless, brainless, helpless, hopeless. Do you want me to send you back to where you were, unemployed in Greenland?" Snyder glared at him, then turned and left them.

During this, Rupert had gone close to Larry, who was very distressed at the insults he had just received. As Rupert cast off he spoke softly. "That Snyder, he can fuss." There was a slight emphasis on the last word as he leaned in close.

Larry looked at the ground. "... Fuss ... fuss ..." Suddenly, he got it, emphasis on the last word. He then looked at Rupert. "I think he likes to scream at us."

"Probably he means no harm," Rupert said, again emphasizing the last word.

Larry paused to think. "He's really very short on… charm,"

Rupert spread his arms out proudly. "Oh, you've a great gift for rhyme."

"Yes, some of the time." Larry started to smile.

Snyder whirled around almost bumping into the helm to look at them. "Enough of that."

As they sailed off, Rupert kept up the game mostly to annoy Snyder. "Larry, are there rocks ahead?"

"If there are, we'll all be dead," Larry said making his voice boom.

"No more rhymes now, I mean it!" Snyder said, getting annoyed and started to wonder why out of anyone he picked these two idiots.

"Anybody want a peanut?" Larry asked, happy that he could annoy Snyder. After all he deserved it.

Snyder's screams echoed into the night.

They sailed into the night, the sailboat racing across the dark waters. Rupert was at the helm, while Larry sat near the body of Alexander, whose eyelids fluttered slightly.

Snyder sat motionless. The waves were high; only the occasional flash of the moon angled down between the clouds. He spoke to Rupert. "We'll reach the Cliffs by dawn."

Rupert nodded and glanced back into the darkness.

"Why are you doing that?" Snyder asked with a wave of a hand.

"Making sure nobody's following us," Rupert reasoned.

Snyder scoffed at such as idea. "That would be inconceivable."

Alexander was sitting up now. "Despite what you think, you will be caught. And when you are, the Prince will see you all hanged."

Snyder turned a cold eye on Alexander, but his body was relaxed as if he didn't have a care in the world. "Of all the necks on this boat, Highness, the one you should be worrying about is your own."

Rupert continued to stare behind them.

"Stop doing that." Snyder said as he sat up straight. "We can all relax, it's almost over…"

Rupert looked at Snyder with doubt in his eyes. "You're sure nobody's following us?" he asked as he pointed out into the dark.

A grin crossed over Snyder's face. "As I told you, it would be absolutely, totally, and in all other ways, inconceivable. No one in Guilder knows what we've done. And no one in Florin could have gotten here so fast." He leaned his head against the boat and closed his eyes. A moment passed before he opened them again. "Out of curiosity, why do you ask?" A trace of fear was now in his voice.

"No reason." Rupert waved a hand as if it were nothing. "It's only, I just happened to look behind us, and something is there."

"What?" Snyder bolted from his seat over to Rupert. Larry also stood up and looked out into the night.

The darkness surrounded them making it hard for anyone of them to see; the moon was hidden behind some clouds. The wind whistled and the waves continued to pound against the boat.

Rupert, Larry, and Snyder all squinted back, as they tried desperately to see. At the moment, they were all holding their breaths trying to see anything.

And there was still nothing to be seen. Still ominous. Only now it was eerie too. Then the moon slipped through the clouds and Rupert was right. Something was very much there. A sailboat, black, with a great billowing sail. It was a good distance behind them, but it was coming like hell, closing the gap.

Rupert, Larry, and Snyder all stared at the other boat. Snyder started to explain with as much logic as he could muster. "Probably some local fisherman out for a pleasure cruise at night through eel-infested waters."

And now as a sound came from their boat they turned when they heard Alexander dive into the water, and start to swim away.

Snyder started to scream in a panic. "Go in, get after him!"

"I don't swim," Rupert answered with a shrug of his shoulders.

Larry didn't even wait to be asked. "I only dog paddle," he said while he demonstrated with his hands.

"Agghh!" Snyder screamed and jumped from the steps. "Veer left. Left. Left!"

Alexander was still swimming but was still too close to the boat. He switched from a crawl to a silent breast stroke. He could hear Snyder screaming "Left! Left!" The wind died and as it did, something new could be heard. A not too distant high pitched shrieking sound. Alexander stopped suddenly and began to tread water.

"Do you know what that sound is, boy?" Snyder asked. He leaned slightly over the boat. "Those are the Shrieking Eels. If you doubt me, just wait. They always grow louder when they're about to feed on human flesh."

Alexander continued to tread water, still not far from the boat. The shrieking sounds were getting louder and more terrifying. He stayed silent though. A gasp escaped Alexander when something large swam past him, almost touching him.

Larry was beside Snyder and hoped that Alexander would swim back to them. Snyder continued to talk. "If you swim back now, I promise, no harm will come to you. I doubt you will get such an offer from the Eels."

The shrieking sound was louder still, but Alexander managed to not make a sound. Behind him now, something dark and gigantic slithered past. He was scared, sure, petrified, who wouldn't be? But he made no reply and now a Shrieking Eel had zeroed in on him. Alexander could see it now, only a short distance away, circling, starting to close in and Alexander was frozen, his eyes were wide with fear as he tried not to make a movement of any kind but the Eel slithered closer, and closer. He knew it now, there was nothing he could do, it was over, all over and now the Eel was opening its mouth wide, and it had never made such a noise, and as its great jaws were about to clamp down…

A giant arm began to pound the Eel unconscious in one move, then easily lifted Alexander. Larry and the boat managed to get to him. Alexander was deposited on the deck.

"Put him down. Just put him down," Snyder ordered pointing to the floor. Larry did as he was told and Snyder tied Alexander's hands together.

Rupert pointed behind them. "I think he's getting closer."

"He's no concern of ours. Sail on!" Snyder said and turned back to Alexander. "I suppose you think you're brave, don't you?"

Alexander stared Snyder down. "Only compared to some," he said, shivering.


	3. Chapter 2

Title: A Fairytale Story 2/11

Author: Forsaken2003

Pairing: William/Xander  
Rating: R  
Disclaimer: I own none, all belong to Joss Whedon  
Comments: Always welcomed!  
Summary: A classic fairy tale, with swordplay, giants, an evil prince, a handsome hero, and yes, some kissing  
Warnings/Spoilers: Human Verse. Out of Character.

Note: (A Spander adaptation of the movie 'The Princess Bride') Uses actual dialogue from the movie Please don't sue!

Beta'd by: Whichclothes

Note 2: Chapters vary in length.

**Part Two**

Sunrise came and they were still being followed closely by the mysterious black sailboat, which they could see for the first time was being steered by a man in black. His boat almost seemed to be flying.

"Look! He's right on top of us," Rupert announced. "I wonder if he is using the same wind we are using."

"Whoever he is, he's too late…" Snyder pointed. "See?" The shore was just ahead of them. "The Cliffs of Insanity!"

The cliffs rose straight up, sheer from the water, and impossibly high. The two sailboats were in a wild race for the Cliffs and the man in black was closing faster than ever. But not fast enough. The lead was too great to overcome, as Rupert sailed with great precision straight at the Cliffs. They were still being tailed.

"Hurry up. Move the thing! Um ... that other thing. Move it!" Snyder stared back at the boat that was following them. "We're safe. Only Larry is strong enough to go up our way; he'll have to sail around for hours 'til he finds a harbor."

There was a lot activity going on, all of it swift, expert, and economical. Larry reached up along the Cliff face, grabbed an overhanging rock, and reached behind it. Suddenly there was a thick rope in his hands. He dropped back to the boat, gave the rope a freeing swing and the rope went all the way to the top.

Rupert hurried to Larry and helped strap a harness to him, then lifted Alexander and Snyder into the harness. Finally, he himself got in the harness. All three were strapped to Larry like papooses. Larry started to climb the rope and carried them all along with him as he went.

The man in black sailed in toward the Cliffs of Insanity, as he watched Larry rise swiftly through the first moments of dawn.

Larry and the others were only faintly visible to the man in black. As Larry climbed on Alexander was almost out of his mind with fright the higher they climbed. Larry moved right along; however high they were, he was already over a third of the way done.

The man in black leapt from his ship to the rope, and started to climb. He was impossibly far behind, but the way he climbed you would have thought he didn't know that because he was flying up the rope, hand over hand like lightning.

Rupert looked down. "He's climbing the rope. And he's gaining on us."

"Inconceivable!" Snyder declared, as if he said it enough times it would start to change what was happening. He prodded Larry, who just nodded and increased his pace.

The man in black was roaring up the rope, and was cutting deeply into Larry's lead.

Snyder started to shriek. "Faster!"

"I thought I was going faster," Larry replied as he kept his steady pace.

Snyder would have stomped his foot if he could have. "You were supposed to be this colossus. You were this great, legendary thing. And yet he gains."

Larry huffed. He was the one doing all the work while the others just had to sit back and hold on. "Well, I'm carrying three people. And he's got only himself."

Snyder cut though Larry's words. "I do not accept excuses." He shook his head. "I'm just going to have to find myself a new giant, that's all."

"Don't say that, Snyder. Please." Larry's voice was full of hurt. He was doing his best. It wasn't his fault the other man was so much faster. Larry's arms began to move much more slowly.

The man in black, his arms still worked as before. If anything, he had sped up. Larry's lead was getting smaller and smaller by the minute. There was maybe a hundred feet for Larry to go.

"Did I make it clear that your job is at stake?" Snyder mentioned. He was tempted to kick Larry like a mule in hopes that it would make him go faster.

The man in black was less than a hundred feet behind them and gaining.

The cliff top was in sight as Larry's large hand grabbed the soil. Snyder leapt off and took out a knife, and began to cut the rope which was tied around a great rock while Rupert helped Alexander to his feet and Larry just stood around, waiting for someone to tell him to do something. Nearby were some stone ruins. Once they might have been a fort but now they kind of resembled Stonehenge.

Maybe only fifty feet left, the man in black continued to climb, his pace was as dazzling as before.

Snyder cut through the last of the rope; it slithered across the ground and out of sight toward the Channel, like some great serpent at last going home.

Larry stood with Rupert and Alexander by the cliff's edge. "He has very good arms," Larry said to Rupert clearly impressed.

The man in black hung suspended hundreds of feet in the air, holding onto the jagged rocks, as he desperately tried to cling to life.

Snyder was stunned; he turned to the others, then looked down. "He didn't fall? Inconceivable!"

Rupert whirled on Snyder. "You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means." He then looked down again. "My God! He's climbing."

And so he was. Very slowly, the man in black was picking his way upwards, sometimes a foot at a time, sometimes an inch.

The group at the top could do nothing but stare. "Whoever he is, he's obviously seen us with the Prince, and must therefore die." Snyder turned to Larry. "You, carry him." He then spoke to Rupert. "We'll head straight for the Guilder frontier. Catch up when he's dead. If he falls, fine. If not, the sword."

Rupert merely nodded in agreement. "I want to duel him left-handed."

"You know what a hurry we're in," Snyder reminded him. They had places to be and annoying princes to kill.

"Well, it's the only way I can be satisfied," Rupert stated whether or not Snyder had a problem with it he didn't care. "If I use my right, it will be over too quickly."

Snyder turned abruptly and started off. "Oh, have it your way."

The man in black still crept his way upward.

Larry went to Rupert. "You be careful," he said gravely. "People in masks cannot be trusted."

Snyder called out, "I'm waiting!"

Larry nodded threw Alexander over his shoulder much to Alexander's dismay, and hurried after Snyder.

Rupert watched them depart, then turned, and peered down over the Cliffs. He watched for a moment, then paced, shaking his hands loose. He practiced a few of his well-honed fencing skills. He was a taut and nervous fellow, and had never been one to wait around.

The man in black must have been six inches closer to the top than when Rupert last saw him. Rupert watched. He walked away. Finally he went back to cliff edge and started to talk. It would be instant death if the man fell, but neither gave that possibility much thought. Rupert hollered down. "Hello there."

The man in black glanced up and saw Rupert wave. He replied with a grunt.

"Slow going?" Rupert asked.

"Look, I don't mean to be rude, but this is not as easy as it looks. So I'd appreciate it if you wouldn't bloody distract me," the man in black said as he continued his route.

"Sorry."

"Thank you," the man said and pressed further against the cliff.

Rupert stepped away and drew his sword. He loosened up with a few perfect thrusts, then re-sheathed and looked eagerly over the edge again. "I do not suppose you could speed things up?"

Annoyed, the man in black looked up. "If you're in such a hurry, you could lower a rope, or a tree branch, or find something useful to do."

Rupert pointed at him, liking his suggestion. "I could do that. In fact, I've got some rope up here. But I do not think that you will accept my help, since I am only waiting around to kill you."

"That does put a damper on our relationship," the man in black confessed. He found another boulder a few inches higher.

"But," Rupert leaned over, his hands on his knees, "I promise I will not kill you until you reach the top."

"That's very comforting. But I'm afraid you'll just have to wait," the man in black said, not looking to die just yet.

"I hate waiting," Rupert mumbled. He turned to grab the rope but turned back to look down at the man in black. "I could give you my word as a fellow British man."

The man in black grunted as he tried to find a comfortable and safe position. "No good," he grunted. "I've known plenty of other British men to lie to my face." He just hung there in space, resting, gathering his strength. Small stones from the cliff fell hundreds of feet to the sea.

Rupert brought his hands up in frustration. "You don't know any way you'll trust me?"

"Nothing comes to mind." His fingers began to cramp. The man in black didn't know how much longer he could hold on.

Rupert raised his right hand high, his eyes blazed, and his voice took on a tone no one had ever heard before. "I swear on the soul of my father, Ellis Giles, you will reach the top alive."

There was a pause. Then, quietly, the man in black replied. "Throw me the rope."

Rupert dashed to the giant rock where the rope was originally tied.

A groan escaped the man in black as his grip loosened a moment, as he tried to cling to the side of the cliff.

Now with a small coil of rope, Rupert hurried back to the edge and hurled it over. It hung close to the man in black. The man released the rocks, grabbed the rope, and hung helplessly in space a moment, then looked up at Rupert. Straining, forcing his body away from the cliff edge he managed to once again climb with the help of Rupert as he pulled the rope up.

Rupert watched as the man in black crawled to safety, and then looked to Rupert. "Thank you," the man in black said as he pulled his sword out.

"We'll wait until you're ready," Rupert said kindly.

"Again. Thank you." The man in black sat to rest on the boulder that once held the rope. He set his sword down beside him before he tugged off his leather boots and was amazed to see several large rocks tumble out.

Rupert stared at him when he noticed the man wearing gloves. "I do not mean to pry, but you don't by any chance happen to have six fingers on your right hand?"

The man in black glanced up, clearly baffled by the question. "Do you always begin conversations this way?"

"My father was slaughtered by a six-fingered man," Rupert explained. The man brought up his right hand to show that he didn't have an extra finger. Rupert seemed satisfied. "He was a great sword maker, my father. And when the six-fingered man appeared and requested a special sword, my father took the job. He slaved a year before he was done." He handed his sword to the stranger.

The man in black was impressed with the workmanship. "I have never seen its equal." Even now, he could see that it still brought pain to Rupert. He handed the sword back.

"The six-fingered man returned and demanded it, but at one-tenth his promised price. My father refused." Rupert put the sword back in the sheath. "Without a word, the six-fingered man slashed him through the heart. I loved my father, so, naturally, challenged his murderer to a duel... I failed ..." He paused before continuing. "The six-fingered man did leave me alive with the six-fingered sword, but he gave me these." He touched two scars on either side of his face.

"How old were you?" the man in black asked.

"I was eleven years old." Rupert crossed his arms. "When I was strong enough, I dedicated my life to the study of fencing. So the next time we meet, I will not fail. I will go up to the six-fingered man and say, "Hello, my name is Rupert Giles. You killed my father. Prepare to die.'"

The man in black looked up at Rupert. "You've done nothing but study swordplay?"

"More pursuit than study lately," Rupert confessed as he sat down next to the man he was about to fight. "You see, I cannot find him. It's been twenty years now. I am starting to lose confidence. I just work for Snyder to pay the bills. There's not a lot of money in revenge."

The man in black slapped his knee before he rose, ready for the fight to begin. "Well, I certainly hope you find him, someday."

"You are ready, then?" Rupert asked as he stood as well

"Whether I am or not, you've been more than fair," the man in black said with a smile.

"You seem a decent fellow. I hate to kill you." Rupert pulled out his sword.

As he walked away a few paces the man in black unsheathed his own sword. "You seem a decent fellow. I hate to die."

Rupert nodded his head. "Begin!"

To an onlooker they would look to be too far away to damage to each other, but each time one made even the tiniest feint, the other countered. The only sound that could be heard was the clinking of the swords. Feinting here, feinting there. They finished teasing and began to duel in earnest.

Their swords crossed again, then again, and the sound came so fast it was almost continual. Rupert pressed on, the man in black retreated up a rocky incline.

"You're using Bonetti's defense against me, ah?" Rupert asked, looking thrilled.

"I thought it fitting, considering the rocky terrain," the man in black said. His sword never stopped moving as he spoke.

"Naturally, you must expect me to attack with Capo Ferro." Rupert shifted his style now.

The man in black was coping as best he can. "Naturally." He suddenly shifted again. "But I find Thibault cancels out Capo Ferro, don't you?" He was now perched at the edge of the elevated castle ruin. With nowhere to go, he jumped into the sand.

Rupert stared down at him. "Unless the enemy has studied his Agrippa…" With the grace of an Olympian, Rupert flew off the perch, somersaulted clean over the man in black's head, and landed facing his opponent. "Which I have."

The two men were almost flying across the rocky terrain, never losing balance, never coming close to stumbling; the battle raged with incredible finesse. First one and then the other gained the advantage. It was clear that this wasn't just two athletes going at it; it was a lot more than that. This was two legendary swashbucklers and they were in their prime.

The deadly edges of the Cliffs of Insanity were drawing closer with each step Rupert took backwards. Rupert fought and ducked and feinted and slashed and it all worked, but not for long, as gradually the man in black kept the advantage, kept forcing him back, closer and closer to death. Rupert was as happy as a clam. "You are wonderful!"

"Thank you. I've worked hard to become so," the man in black said.

The Cliff edge was very close now and Rupert was continually being forced toward it. "I admit it. You are better than I am."

Confused the man in black asked. "Then why are you smiling?"

Inches from defeat, Rupert was, in fact, all smiles. "Because I know something you don't know."

"And what is that?"

"I am not left-handed." And he threw the six-fingered sword into his right hand and immediately, the tide of battle turned.

The man in black was stunned. He did everything he could to keep Rupert by the Cliff edge but it was no use. Slowly at first, the man began to retreat. Now faster, Rupert was in control and the man in black became desperate.

The six-fingered sword was all but invisible, as he increased his attack, then suddenly Rupert switched styles again.

A rocky staircase leading to a turret-shaped plateau, and the man in black was retreating like mad up the steps and he couldn't stop Rupert. Nothing could stop Rupert and in a frenzy, the man in black made every feint, tried every thrust, let's go with all he had left. But he failed. Everything failed. He tried one or two final desperate moves but they were nothing compared to Rupert. "You're amazing!"

"I ought to be after twenty years," Rupert said with a smile.

And now the man in black was smashed into a stone pillar, pinned there under the six fingered sword. He hollered out. "There's something I ought to tell you."

"Tell me," Rupert said.

"I am not left-handed either," the man in black confessed before he changed hands. The battle was fully joined.

And to Rupert's amazement, he was being forced back down the steps. He tried one style, then another, but it all came down to the same thing, the man in black seemed to be in control. And before he knew it, the six-fingered sword was knocked clear out of his hand. Rupert retreated and dove from the stairs to a moss-covered bar suspended over the archway. He swung out, landed, and scrambled to his sword.

The man in black watched Rupert, and then casually tossed his sword to the landing where it stuck in perfectly. Then the man in black copied Rupert. Not copied exactly, but improved the moves. He dove to the bar, swung completely over it like a circus performer and dismounted with a backflip.

Rupert could only stare in awe. "Who are you?"

"No one of consequence," the man in black replied.

"I must know," Rupert urged.

"Get used to disappointment."

"Okay." Moving like lightning, Rupert thrust forward, slashed, and darted back, all in almost a single movement.

The man in black dodged, blocked, and again he thrust forward, faster even than before, and again he slashed but there was never a move anyone made Rupert didn't remember, and this time he blocked the slash, and slashed out himself with the six fingered sword.

On it went, back and forth across the rocky terrain. Rupert's feet moved with the grace and speed of a great improvisational dancer.

The six-fingered sword was knocked free, arching up into the air, and Rupert caught it again. And something terrible was written behind his eyes: he had given his all, done everything man could do, tried every style, made every maneuver, but it hadn't been enough, and on his face was the realization that he, Rupert Giles of Britain, was going to lose.

The man in black moved in for the end now, blocked everything, muzzled everything and sent the six-fingered sword flying from Rupert's grip. Rupert stood helpless only a moment. Then he dropped to his knees, bowed his head, shut his eyes. "Kill me quickly."

"I would as soon destroy a stained glass window as an artist like yourself. However, since I can't have you following me either…," The man in black banged Rupert's head with his heavy sword handle. Rupert pitched forward unconscious. "Please understand I hold you in the highest respect." He grabbed his scabbard and took off after the Prince.


	4. Chapter 3

Title: A Fairytale Story 3/11

Author: Forsaken2003

Pairing: William/Xander  
Rating: R  
Disclaimer: I own none, all belong to Joss Whedon  
Comments: Always welcomed!  
Summary: A classic fairy tale, with swordplay, giants, an evil prince, a handsome hero, and yes, some kissing  
Warnings/Spoilers: Human Verse. Out of Character.

Note: (A Spander adaptation of the movie 'The Princess Bride') Uses actual dialogue from the movie Please don't sue!

Beta'd by: Whichclothes

Note 2: Chapters vary in length.

**Part Three**

"Inconceivable!" Snyder said. As he watched down from a narrow mountain path, he could see the man in black running. Larry had Alexander in his arm, while Snyder stood alongside. "Give him to me." He grabbed Alexander from Larry. "Catch up with us quickly."

Larry started to panic. "What do I do?"

"Finish him, finish him. Your way." Snyder took off Alexander in tow.

"Oh, good, my way. Thank you, Snyder." Larry smiled and paused. "Which way is my way?"

Snyder pointed to a couple of rocks, nothing too massive. There was a large boulder nearby.

"Pick up one of those rocks; get behind the boulder, and in a few minutes, the man in black will come running around the bend. The minute his head is in view, hit it with the rock!" Snyder yelled the last bit before he and Alexander hurried away.

Larry frowned a little and said softly, "My way's not very sportsmanlike." He grabbed one of the rocks as if it weighed nothing and trudged behind the boulder.

The man in black raced up the mountain trail. Ahead was a bend in the trail. He saw it, and slowed. And then he stopped completely to listen. Satisfied by the silence, he started forward again and as he rounded the bend a rock flew and shattered on a boulder inches in front of him. The man in black pulled his sword out.

Larry moved into the mountain path. He had picked up another rock and held it tightly. "I did that on purpose. I don't have to miss."

"I believe you," the man in black said. He looked at the giant that stood in front of him. "So what happens now?"

"We face each other as God intended. Sportsmanlike. No tricks, no weapons, skill against skill alone," Larry explained.

"You mean, you'll put down your rock and I'll put down my sword, and we'll try to kill each other like civilized people?" the man in black asked, making sure he understood what Larry was suggesting.

"I could kill you now," Larry replied gently. He got set to throw, but the man in black shook his head.

"Frankly, I think the odds are slightly in your sodding favor at hand fighting, mate," The man in black said but still dropped his sword and took off his scabbard before he began to approach Larry.

"It's not my fault being the biggest and the strongest. I don't even exercise," Larry said with a small shrug. He tossed the rock away.

The man in black was not now and had never been a shrimp. But it was like he wasn't even there, Larry towered over him so much. There was a moment's pause, and then the man in black dove at Larry's chest, slammed him several great blows in the stomach, twisted his arm severely, slipped skillfully into a beautifully applied bear hug, and in general made any number of terrific wrestling moves, grunting the entire time. Larry just stood there, kind of taking in the scenery. Finally the man in black pushed himself away, and stared up at Larry. "Look, are you just fiddling around with me or what?"

"I just want you to feel you're doing well. I hate for people to die embarrassed," Larry explained before he jumped forward with stunning speed for anyone his size and reached for the man in black, who dropped to his knees, spun loose, and slipped between the Larry's legs. "You're quick."

"And a bloody good thing too." The man in black backed up as Larry advanced on him.

While he got ready for another attack Larry had to ask. "Why do you wear a mask? Were you burned by acid or something like that?" He took a swing which the man in black easily dodged.

"Oh no. It's just that they're terribly comfortable." He dodged another blow. "I think everyone will be wearing them in the future."

Larry considered that a moment, then attacked, and if he moved quickly last time, this time he was blinding and as the man in black slipped down to avoid the charge, Larry moved right with him, only instead of twisting free and jumping to his feet, this time the man in black jumped for Larry's back and in a moment he was riding him, and he had his arms locked across Larry's windpipe, one in front, one behind. The man in black began to squeeze tightly.

Larry stood there, talking as William squeezed. "I just figured out why you give me so much trouble." He charged toward a large rock that lined the path, and just as he reached it he spun his giant body so that the entire weight of the charge was taken by the man in black.

The power of the charge was terrible, the pain enormous, but he clung to his grip at Larry's windpipe. His arms never left Larry's throat. "Why is that, do you think?"

Larry's voice began to get a little strained. "Well, I haven't fought just one person for so long. I've been specializing in groups. Battling gangs for local charities, that kind of thing."

There was another huge rock on the other side of the path. Again Larry charged, slower this time, but still a charge, and again he spun and creamed the man in black against the rough boulder.

The punishment was terrible, and for a moment it seemed as if the man in black was going to let go of Larry's windpipe and crumble, but he didn't, he held on. "Why should that make such a difference?"

"Well ..." Now Larry's voice was definitely growing weaker. "... you see, you use different moves when you're fighting half a dozen people than when you only have to be worried about one." Again Larry slammed the man in black against a boulder, only this time his power had diminished and he started to slowly collapse.

The man in black held his grip as Larry tried to stand, halfway he made it, but there was no air. Larry fell back to his knees, held there for a moment, before he pitched down to all fours. The man in black increased the pressure. Larry tried to crawl but there was just no air. No air. Larry went to the ground and lay still.

The man in black somehow was able to turn him over. He placed his ear to Larry's heart. It still beat. The man in black stood. "I don't envy you the bloody headache you will have when you awake. But, in the meantime, rest well ... and dream of large women." And he quickly scooped up his sword with his foot, caught it, and dashed off up along the mountain path.

Prince Angelus slipped his boot into a foot print in the sand. Count Rayne was mounted on a horse and watching. Behind him, half a dozen armed warriors were also mounted. A great white horse waited rider less in front. Prince Angelus was all over the rocky ground, and maybe he wasn't the best hunter in the world. Then again, maybe he was, because as he began to put his feet into strange positions indicating what he was doing was mimicking the fencers.

"There was a mighty duel, it ranged all over. They were both masters," Prince Angelus stated.

"Who won? How did it end?" Count Rayne asked.

Liam looked down in the position where Rupert fell unconscious. "The loser ran off alone." He pointed in the direction Snyder and Larry took off in. "The winner followed those footprints toward Guilder!"

"Shall we track them both?" Count Rayne asked, ready to send half his men in the direction Rupert had gone.

"The loser is nothing. Only the Prince matters." Prince Angelus turned to the armed warriors. "Clearly this was all planned by warriors of Guilder. We must be ready for whatever lies ahead."

Count Rayne looked at Prince Angelus. "Could this be a trap?"

Jumping onto his horse Prince Angelus spoke. "I always think everything could be a trap. Which is why I'm still alive." And he galloped off.

The man in black reached the peak of the mountain. He came running around the path, saw Snyder, he slowed. The two men studied each other. Snyder had a knife pointed at Alexander's throat. Alexnader was blindfolded. Snyder munched on an apple.

A picnic was laid out. A tablecloth, two goblets and between them, a small leather wine container, along with some cheese and a couple of apples. The picnic was set on a lovely spot, high on the edge of a mountain path with a view all the way back to the sea.

"So, it is down to you. And it is down to me," Snyder said. The man in black nodded and came closer. "If you wish him dead, by all means keep moving forward." And he pushed his long knife harder against Alexander's unprotected throat.

"Let me explain…" The man in black continued to move forward.

"There's nothing to explain. You're trying to kidnap what I've rightfully stolen," Snyder stated.

More steps were taken. "Perhaps an arrangement can be reached."

"There will be no arrangement." Snyder gripped Alexander's arm tightly, no doubt bruising him. "And you're killing him!" He jabbed Alexander's throat with his long knife. Alexander gasped against the pain.

The man in black stopped quickly. "But if there can be no arrangement, then we are at an impasse."

"I'm afraid so. I can't compete with you physically. And you're no match for my brains," Snyder boasted.

"You're that smart?" The man in black crossed his arms.

"Let me put it this way: have you ever heard of Plato, Aristotle, Socrates?" Snyder's hand was still on Alexander's arm and the knife to his throat.

"Yes."

"Morons," Snyder claimed.

"Really?" the man in black asked, doubt in his voice. "In that case, I challenge you to a battle of wits."

Snyder smiled. "For the Prince?"

The man in black nodded.

"To the death?" Snyder asked. Another nod. "I accept." He released his hold on Alexander and put the knife away.

"Good." The man in black walked forward. "Then pour the sodding wine."

As Snyder filled the goblets with the dark red liquid, as the man in black sat across from him. Then the man in black pulled a small packet from his clothing, and handed it to Snyder. "Inhale this, but do not touch," he instructed.

Snyder did as he was told and took a sniff. "I smell nothing."

The man in black took the packet back. "What you do not smell is called iocane powder. It is odorless, tasteless, dissolves instantly in liquid, and is among the deadlier poisons known to man."

"Hmm." Snyder watched excitedly as the man in black took the goblets, and turned his back. A moment later, he turned again, and faced Snyder. He placed the goblets back down and dropped the now empty iocane packet. The man in black rotated the goblets in a little shell game maneuver then put one glass in front of Snyder, the other in front of himself.

"All right, where is the poison? The battle of wits has begun. It ends when you…" The man in black pointed to Snyder. "Decide and we both drink, and find out who is right and who is dead."

"But it's so simple. All I have to do is divine from what I know of you. Are you the sort of man who would put the poison into his own goblet, or his enemy's?" Snyder studied the man in black now. "Now, a clever man would put the poison into his own goblet, because he would know that only a great fool would reach for what he was given. I'm not a great fool, so I can clearly not choose the wine in front of you. But you must have known I was not a great fool; you would have counted on it, so I can clearly not choose the wine in front of me," he concluded.

There was now a trace of nervousness in the man in black. "You've made your decision then."

There was a laugh in Snyder's voice. "Not remotely. Because iocane comes from Australia, as everyone knows. And Australia is entirely peopled with criminals. And criminals are used to having people not trust them, as you are not trusted by me. So I can clearly not choose the wine in front of you."

The man in black was getting slightly confused by Snyder's logic. "Truly, you have a dizzying intellect."

"Wait till I get going!" Snyder said then paused. "Where was I?"

"Australia," the man in black reminded.

"Yes," Snyder said remembering where he was going with his theory. "Australia and you must have suspected I would have known the powder's origin, so I can clearly not choose the wine in front of me."

Very nervous now the man in black said. "You're just bloody stalling now."

Snyder cackled. "You'd like to think that, wouldn't you?" He stared at the man in black. "You've beaten my giant, which means you're exceptionally strong. So, you could have put the poison in your own goblet, trusting on your strength to save you. So I can clearly not choose the wine in front of you. But, you've also bested my British man which means you must have studied. And in studying, you must have learned that man is mortal so you would have put the poison as far from yourself as possible, so I can clearly not choose the wine in front of me."

As Snyder's pleasure had been growing throughout, the man in black's had been fast disappearing. "You're trying to trick me into giving away something. It won't work."

"It has worked. You've given everything away. I know where the poison is," Snyder said triumphantly.

"Then make your choice," the man in black said with fool's courage.

"I will. And I choose…" Snyder suddenly stopped and pointed at something behind the man in black. "What in the world can that be?"

The man in black turned around quickly, and looked around. "What? Where? I don't see anything."

Snyder busily switched the goblets while the man in black had his head turned. "Oh, well, I-I could have sworn I saw something. No matter."

The man in black turned to face him again. Snyder started to laugh. "What's so bloody funny?" he asked suspiciously.

"I'll tell you in a minute. First, let's drink, me from my glass and you from yours." Snyder picked up his goblet. The man in black picked up the one in front of him. As they both start to drink, Snyder hesitated a moment. Then, allowing the man in black to drink first, he swallowed his wine.

"You guessed wrong," the man in black exclaimed.

Snyder roared with laughter, making Alexander jump. "You only think I guessed wrong." He spoke louder. "That's what's so funny! I switched glasses when your back was turned. You fool."

The man in black had nothing to say. He just sat there.

Snyder watched him. "You fell victim to one of the classic blunders. The most famous is 'Never get involved in a land war in Asia.' But only slightly less well known is this: 'Never go in against a Sicilian when death is on the line.'" He laughed and roared and cackled and whooped and was in all ways quite cheery until he fell over dead.

The man in black stepped past the corpse, took the blindfold and bindings off Alexander who noticed it was Snyder who was lying dead.

The man in black pulled Alexander to his feet.

"Who are you?" Alexander asked.

"I am no one to be trifled with, that is all you ever need know." The man in black started to lead him off the mountain path into untraveled terrain.

Alexander gave a final glance back toward Snyder. "To think all that time it was your cup that was poisoned."

"They were both poisoned. I spent the last few years building up immunity to iocane powder."

And with that, he took off, dragging Alexander behind him.


	5. Chapter 4

Title: A Fairytale Story 4/11

Author: Forsaken2003

Pairing: William/Xander  
Rating: R  
Disclaimer: I own none, all belong to Joss Whedon  
Comments: Always welcomed!  
Summary: A classic fairy tale, with swordplay, giants, an evil prince, a handsome hero, and yes, some kissing  
Warnings/Spoilers: Human Verse. Out of Character.

Note: (A Spander adaptation of the movie 'The Princess Bride') Uses actual dialogue from the movie Please don't sue!

Beta'd by: Whichclothes

Note 2: Chapters vary in length.

**Part Four**

Prince Angelus and his men had found the spot where Larry and the man in black had fought. Angelus knelt, inspecting every grain of displaced sand. The others waited behind him.

"Someone has beaten a giant!" Prince Angelus roared. "There will be great suffering in Guilder if Alexander dies." He leapt onto his horse and they charged off.

In a wild stretch of terrain, the man in black came running all the while still dragging Alexander, who stumbled occasionally. But he kept forcing Alexander along. Finally, when Alexander was close to exhaustion, the man in black let go and pushed him against a large bolder.

"Catch your breath," the man in black said. His voice was harsh and carried the promise of violence.

Alexander panted. "If you'll release me ... whatever you ask for ransom ... you'll get it, I promise you..."

The man in black laughed. "And what is that worth, the promise of a man like you? You're very funny, Highness."

"I was giving you a chance. No matter where you take me ... there's no greater hunter than Prince Angelus. He could track a falcon on a cloudy day. He can find you," Alexander said. And it was true Angelus seemed set on having him as his prince and once Angelus set his sights on something he would go to any means necessary to get it.

"You think your dearest love will save you?" The man in black asked. He leaned against a boulder across from Alexander.

"I never said he was my dearest love," Alexander said clearly disgusted. "And yes, he will save me. That I know."

The man in black became intrigued. He moved closer to Alexander. "You admit to me you do not love your fiancé?"

"He knows I do not love him," Alexander replied.

"Are not capable of love is what you mean," the man in black said with a smirk.

Alexander stood, looking straight at his kidnapper, showing no fear. "I have loved more deeply than a killer like yourself could ever dream."

The man in black cocked back a fist. Alexander flinched, but didn't retreat. He then pointed a finger in Alexander's face. "That was a warning, Highness. The next time, my hand flies on its own. For where I come from, there are penalties when a person lies." He then grabbed Alexander's hand harshly and started their journey again.

Angelus knelt over Snyder's body. The picnic was still untouched. He grabbed the empty poison packet and handed it to Count Rayne, after first sniffing it himself. "Iocane. I'd bet my life on it." Angelus gestured to the trail ahead. "And there are the Prince's footprints. He is alive ... or was, an hour ago. If he is otherwise when I find him, I shall be very put out." And he leapt onto his horse and they all charged off.

Alexander fell heavily onto another bolder, hours later as the man in black released his hold. There were at the edge of an almost sheer ravine. The drop was sharp and severe. Below, the ravine floor was flat, but getting there would not be fun.

"Rest, Highness," the man in black said. He took several steps away from Alexander as if he couldn't stand to be near him.

"I know who you are. Your cruelty reveals everything," Alexander said as he stared. The man in black said nothing. "You're the Dread Pirate Roberts; admit it."

The man in black bowed, his arms flung out wide. "With pride." He then settled his fists on his hips. "What can I do for you?"

"You can die slowly cut into a thousand pieces," Alexander said his face scrunched up in disgust at the man before him.

Robert's tsked. "Hardly complimentary, your Highness. Why loose your venom on me?"

"You killed my love," Alexander said quietly.

Robert's watched him closely. "It's possible; I kill a lot of people. Who was this love of yours? Another prince, like this one, ugly, rich, and scabby?" He walked past Alexander and settled himself comfortably on a fallen tree.

"No. A farm boy." Alexander turned to look at the man who killed his love. "Poor. Poor and perfect, with eyes like the sea after a storm." If he didn't hate Roberts so, there would have been tears. But he wouldn't show emotion. "On the high seas, your ship attacked, and the Dread Pirate Roberts never takes prisoners."

Robert's spread his arms and began to explain as a teacher might. Roberts said, "I can't afford to make exceptions." He placed his hands behind his head. "Once word leaks out that a pirate has gone soft, people begin to disobey you, and then it's nothing but work, work, work, all the time."

"You mock my pain!" Alexander yelled.

"Life is bloody pain, Highness. Anyone who says differently is selling something." Alexander looked away. Roberts stood up and walked closer to Alexander. "I remember this farm boy of yours, I think. This would be, what, five years ago?" Alexander nodded. "Does it bother you to hear?"

"Nothing you can say will upset me." Tears welled up in Alexander's eyes but none fell.

Robert's crossed his arms over his chest. "He died well, that should please you. No bribe attempts or blubbering. He simply said, 'Please. Please, I need to live.' It was the "please" that caught my memory." Roberts turned to look at Alexander. "I asked him what was so important for him. 'True love,' he replied. And then he spoke of a boy of surpassing beauty and faithfulness. I can only assume he meant you. You should bless me for destroying him before he found out what you really are."

Alexander stood only centimeters from Roberts. "And what am I?"

"Faithfulness he talked of, your highness. Your enduring faithfulness. Now, tell me truly. When you found out he was gone, did you get engaged to your prince that same hour, or did you wait a whole week out of respect for the dead?" Roberts sneered in Alexander's face.

"You mocked me once; never do it again. I died that day!"

Roberts was about to reply as they stood there on the edge of the sheer ravine. But then something caught his attention. He stared at it briefly. A dust cloud caused by Prince Angelus's horse rose up into the sky.

While his attention is on the dust cloud, Alexander pushed him with all the strength he had.

"You can die too, for all I care!"

Roberts teetered on the ravine edge for a moment, and then he began to fall. Down, down, rolling, spinning, and crashing all the way down toward the flat rock floor of the ravine.

There was a long pause. Alexander stood there, alone, as from far below the words come to him, drifting on the wind.

"... as ... you ... wish..."

"Oh, my sweet William; what have I done?" Without a second thought or consideration of the dangers, Alexander started into the ravine. He too fell, spun and twisted, crashed and torn, cartwheeled down toward what was left of his beloved William.


	6. Chapter 5

Title: A Fairytale Story 5/11

Author: Forsaken2003

Pairing: William/Xander  
Rating: R  
Disclaimer: I own none, all belong to Joss Whedon  
Comments: Always welcomed!  
Summary: A classic fairy tale, with swordplay, giants, an evil prince, a handsome hero, and yes, some kissing  
Warnings/Spoilers: Human Verse. Out of Character.

Note: (A Spander adaptation of the movie 'The Princess Bride') Uses actual dialogue from the movie Please don't sue!

Beta'd by: Whichclothes

Note 2: Chapters vary in length.

**Part Five**

The dust cloud rose higher and higher. Prince Angelus and the others reined in at the spot where Alexander's captors promised ransom in exchange for his freedom. Angelus shook his head. "Disappeared. He must have seen us closing in, which might account for his panicking in error. Unless I'm wrong, and I am never wrong, they are headed dead into the Fire Swamp."

The mere mention of the Fire Swamp made Rayne pale.

On the ravine floor two bodies lay a few feet apart; neither moved. After a time, William slowly forced his body to move and when he did he saw Alexander bruised and torn. William crawled slowly toward him. He placed one hand under Alexander's head and the other wrapped around his waist. "Can you move at all?" His mask fell off during the tumble.

Weakly Alexander stretched out an arm toward him. "Move? You're alive. If you want, I can fly." He pulled William into his embrace.

William tore himself away and looked into Alexander's eyes. "I told you, I would always come for you. Why didn't you wait for me?"

"Well ... you were dead," Alexander explained.

William placed a hand on Alexander's cheek. "Death cannot stop true love. All it can do is delay it for a while."

"I will never doubt again," Alexander promised.

"There will never be a need," William said and pressed his lips to Alexander. It was a tender kiss, tender and loving and gentle.

William and Alexander raced along the ravine floor. William glanced up and saw Prince Angelus and his men were perched on top of the cliff, looking down at him and Alexander.

"Ha. Your pig fiancé is too late. A few more steps and we'll be safe in the Fire Swamp." William continued on with Alexander on his heels. William had tried to say it with a knight-like nonchalance, but Alexander didn't buy it.

"We'll never survive," Alexander declared.

"Nonsense. You're only saying that because no one ever has," William said, not giving Alexander much confidence in William's plan.

They raced off, leaving Prince Angelus and his men stranded and defeated.

The Fire Swamp didn't look any worse than any other moist, sulphurous, infernal horror you might run across. Great trees blocked the sun.

Alexander was clearly panicked and maybe William was too, but he moved cheerfully along, sword in hand. "It's not that bad." Alexander stared at him as if he'd gone completely mad. "I'm not saying I'd like to build a summer home here, but the trees are actually quite lovely," William said. The look Alexander gave William frightened him and decided that maybe they should move on.

The giant trees were thick and black-green; they looked threatening as hell and they shielded all but intermittent stripes of sun. A giant spurt of flame leapt up, proceeded by a slight popping sound. That particular spurt of flame missed William, but Alexander was suddenly on fire; at least the lower half of him was.

William instantly forced Alexander to sit, gathered his flaming pants in his hands, and did his best to suffocate the fire. It wasn't all that easy and it caused William a bit of grief, but he did his best to sound as jaunty as before. He took a hold of Alexander's hands and helped him up. "Well now, that was an adventure." He placed a comforting hand in Alexander's hair. "Singed a bit, were you?"

Alexander wasn't and he shook his head no. "You?"

William had been but he shook his head.

There was another popping sound. William grabbed Alexander and pulled him aside to safety as another great spun of flame suddenly shot up. "Well, one thing I will say. The Fire Swamp certainly does keep you on your toes."

Alexander was frozen with fear. William took his hand and gently led him forward as they moved slowly along through a particularly dangerous part of the Fire Swamp.

It was later now, and the sun was slanted.

"This will all soon be but a happy memory," William said as he slashed vines that stopped their journey. "Because Roberts' ship "_Revenge_" is anchored at the far end. And I, as you know, am Roberts," William happily said.

"But how is that possible, since he's been marauding twenty years and you only left me five years ago?" Alexander asked. He had William's free in his and held on tightly as if he were afraid William would disappear and leave him again.

"I myself am often surprised at life's little quirks." Again there was a popping sound, then a huge spurt of flame. William simply picked up Alexander with strength Alexander didn't know he possessed, moved him out of danger, put him back down, and went right on talking without missing a beat. "You see, what I told you before about saying 'please' was true. It intrigued Roberts, as did my descriptions of your magnificence."

William took out his sword and sliced a path through what could have been flesh eating vines. The vines groaned as they fell. He'd been chatting away the entire time. "Finally, Roberts decided something. He said, 'All right, William, I've never had a valet. You can try it for tonight. I'll most likely kill you in the morning.' Three years he said that. 'Good night, William. Good work. Sleep well. I'll most likely kill you in the morning.' It was a fine time for me. I was learning to fence, to fight, anything anyone would teach me. And Roberts and I eventually became friends. And then it happened."

"What? Go on," Alexander said interested in William's adventures.

William put his sword away, picked him up, and carried Alexander across some swamp water that was bridged by a narrow, rickety tree branch. He ignored the annoyed look Alexander gave him and the slight huff.

"Well, Roberts had grown so rich, he wanted to retire. So he took me to his cabin and told me his secret. 'I am not the Dread Pirate Roberts,' he said. "My name is Ryan. I inherited this ship from the previous Dread Pirate Roberts, just as you will inherit it from me. The man I inherited it from was not the real Dread Pirate Roberts, either.'" Taking careful steps so neither he nor Alexander fell William continued. "His name was Cummerbund. The real Roberts has been retired fifteen years and living like a king in Patagonia. Then he explained the name was the important thing for inspiring the necessary fear. You see, no one would surrender to the Dread Pirate William."

They made it safely across the pond and William set Alexander down.

"So we sailed ashore, took on an entirely new crew and he stayed aboard for a while as first mate, all the time calling me Roberts. Once the crew believed, he left the ship and I have been Roberts ever since. Except, now that we're together, I shall retire and hand the name over to someone else. Is everything clear to you?" William asked.

Alexander nodded but still looked confused. He was about to reply but the ground he stepped on gave way. It was Lightning Sand, a great patch of it, and it had him. A cloud of powder rose and he sunk into it as he cried William's name but then he was gone.


	7. Chapter 6

Title: A Fairytale Story 6/11

Author: Forsaken2003

Pairing: William/Xander  
Rating: R  
Disclaimer: I own none, all belong to Joss Whedon  
Comments: Always welcomed!  
Summary: A classic fairy tale, with swordplay, giants, an evil prince, a handsome hero, and yes, some kissing  
Warnings/Spoilers: Human Verse. Out of Character.

Note: (A Spander adaptation of the movie 'The Princess Bride') Uses actual dialogue from the movie Please don't sue!

Beta'd by: Whichclothes

Note 2: Chapters vary in length.

**Part Six**

William's eyes widened and without thought he slashed a U-shaped vine and hacked it in half. He then grabbed it, dropped his sword, and clutched the other end of the vine. William dove into the Lightning Sand and there was another cloud of white powder, but it settled quickly.

There was an odd panting sound. The panting sound was very loud. A giant R.O.U.S (Rodent of Unusual Size) darted near the Lightning Sand but paused as if it knew of the dangers. The R.O.U.S was probably no more than eighty pounds of bone and power. It sniffed around a bit then, as quickly as it had come, it left.

As William's lungs were long past their bursting point, he exploded out of the pit. He had Alexander across his shoulders and he pulled them to the edge of the Lightning Sand pit, using the vine.

Xander's face was caked with the white powder. It was in his eyes, ears, hair, and mouth. As William continued to pull them to safety the R.0.U.S was high above them, watching.

They were both coughing and gasping for breath. William turned over to check on Alexander. Alexander crawled to a nearby tree wanting to get as far away from the Lightning Sand as possible. William followed him. Alexander wrapped his arms around William's neck, still trying to catch his breath. He hoped that William's boat was close because he didn't know how much more of this he could take.

William pulled Alexander close as a noise from above caught his attention. Slowly he looked up and saw a R.O.U.S in a tree staring down at him. William stared back up at the beast while Alexander was oblivious.

"We'll never succeed. We may as well die here," Alexander said. He was so tired.

"No." William pulled away to look at Alexander. "No. We have already succeeded," he said with a smile. They stood. He glanced back again. The R.O.U.S moved closer, staring hungrily down. He picked up his sword, put an arm around Alexander, and started to walk with him as he encouragingly went on talking. "I mean, what are the three terrors of the Fire Swamp? One, the flame spurts. No problem. There's a popping sound preceding each, we can avoid that. Two, the Lightning Sand. But you were clever enough to discover what that looks like, so in the future we can avoid that too."

Alexander grabbed William's arm stopping him from walking. "Will, what about the R.O.U.S.'s?"

William snorted trying to look confident. "Rodents of Unusual Size? I don't think they exist..." And as he said that, a R.O.U.S came flying at him from out of nowhere, knocking William to the ground.

Alexander screamed, his eyes all but popped out of his head. R.O.U.S's didn't exist his ass!

William was pinned under the attacking R.O.U.S as he tried to fend it off. But he couldn't. The thing sunk its teeth deep into his arm. He howled in pain. William drove a fist into the beast's face, and rolled it off. He reached for his sword just a few feet away, but the R.0.U.S was back on top him. It was a fierce battle, and just when the R.O.U.S thought William couldn't possibly win, he flipped the ugly rodent clear. He scrambled for his sword.

The R.O.U.S changed its attention from William to Alexander. It snarled as he charged for Alexander. "William!" Alexander yelled as he stood frozen with fear.

William abandoned his sword, reached for the rodent, grabbed only the tail, and wrestled with it making sure it was nowhere near Alexander.

Alexander grabbed a small branch and used it as a club. He beat the skull of the R.O.U.S, doing pretty well, but the beast managed to snag the bottom of his pants with its razor teeth, and he was pulled to the ground.

William jumped onto its back, and the R.O.U.S was all over him now, sinking needle teeth into William's shoulder. He screamed in pain and with death close at hand, a popping sound started. He tried one last desperate move, he rolled into the sound. A flame spurt shot skyward. With the R.O.U.S pinned under him, the beast burst into flames. It let go and William rolled safely free. He grabbed his sword and exhaustedly stabbed the R.O.U.S which was trying to put itself out.

The R.O.U.S collapsed dead.

William stood motionless and exhausted. The danger had passed. Alexander walked up to him relieved.

Alexander and William somehow made it to the far edge of the fire swamp without any more incidents. Alexander was in disbelief. "We did it."

"Now, was that so terrible?" William asked.

Alexander shot him a look that said "yes" but leaned in to kiss William. Just as their lips met the whinny of a horse tore them apart. William pulled his sword out and placed himself between Alexander and the intruders.

Prince Angelus came from the trees on his horse, Count Rayne right on his heels. Three warriors armed and ready were mounted in formation behind. "Surrender!" Prince Angelus yelled.

"You mean you wish to surrender to me?" William asked pointing to himself. "Very well, I accept."

"I give you full marks for bravery, don't make yourself a fool," Prince Angelus said, his nose up in the air.

"Ah, but how will you capture us? We know the secrets of the Fire Swamp. We can live there quite happily for some time. So, whenever you feel like dying, feel free to visit." William smirked as he pictured them living in the fire swamp. He'd teach Alexander how to use a sword and they could take turns killing the R.O.U.S's. They probably tasted like chicken.

Prince Angelus's face clouded with anger. "I tell you once again surrender!"

"It will not happen!" William yelled. He'd been away from Alexander five years too long. He would not spend another moment away from him. He'd die first.

Alexander looked from one to the other; then something else caught his eye. An armed warrior crept from behind a tree with a loaded crossbow aimed at William's heart. He looked the other way and another warrior stepped out crossbow in hand and aimed at William.

Prince Angelus's He roared. "For the last time…SURRENDER!" He pulled his sword out.

"DEATH FIRST!" William roared right back, louder.

Alexander frantically stared around, and now a third warrior with a crossbow stretched, ready to shoot; this one was hidden in a tree blocking any escape William might try. "Will you promise not to hurt him?"

Prince Angelus whirled to face him. "What was that?"

William whirled to face him. "What was that?"

Alexander stepped closer to Prince Angelus. "If we surrender, and I return with you, will you promise not to hurt this man?"

"May I live a thousand years and never hunt again." Prince Angelus put his sword down.

Alexander looked at William. "He is a sailor on the pirate ship _Revenge_. Promise to return him to his ship."

"I swear it will be done." Prince Angelus nodded and two warriors came to escort William.

William and Alexander stared deep into each other's eyes.

Putting his sword away Prince Angelus whispered to Count Rayne. "Once we're out of sight, take him back to Florin and throw him in the Pit of Despair."

"I swear it will be done," Count Rayne said with a cruel smile.

"I thought you were dead once, and it almost destroyed me. I could not bear it if you died again, not when I could save you," Alexander explained. It felt like he was dying all over again.

William was dazed and silent.

Alexander tried to speak again but couldn't, and was swooped off his feet onto Prince Angelus's horse, and off they went.

William stared after him, his heart breaking. Count Rayne watched as his warriors brought William to him. The Count had a heavy sword and he held it in his hand. "Come, sir. We must get you to your ship."

William smirked. He would not show fear. "We are men of action. Lies do not become us."

"Well spoken, sir." Count Rayne nodded to his warriors and they tied William's hands behind his back.

William tilted his head, looking at Count Rayne's hand. "What is it?" asked the count.

"You have six fingers on your right hand. Someone was looking for you," William said with a smile. Rupert was closer to the man who killed his father than he realized.

Count Rayne scowled and clubbed William hard across the skull. William's eyes rolled to the back of his head and crumbled to the ground.


	8. Chapter 7

Title: A Fairytale Story 7/11

Author: Forsaken2003

Pairing: William/Xander  
Rating: R  
Disclaimer: I own none, all belong to Joss Whedon  
Comments: Always welcomed!  
Summary: A classic fairy tale, with swordplay, giants, an evil prince, a handsome hero, and yes, some kissing  
Warnings/Spoilers: Human Verse. Out of Character.

Note: (A Spander adaptation of the movie 'The Princess Bride') Uses actual dialogue from the movie Please don't sue!

Beta'd by: Whichclothes

Note 2: Chapters vary in length.

**Part Seven**

The pit of despair was dank, chilly, underground and windowless. The only light was from flickering torches. Frightened William lay in the center of a table, chained and helpless.

The door creaked as a man walked in. He was dead and pale his skin hung loose on his face. He silently entered the pit, carrying a tray of food and medication. He rushed down the stone steps before setting the tray down.

"Where am I?" William asked as his eyes fluttered open. His shoulder throbbed.

Clem the mysterious new man whispered, "The Pit of Despair." He began tending William's wounds. William winced in pain. "Don't even think…." The words came out garbled. Clem hacked, sputtered, and coughed. His voice seemed normal again. "Don't even think about trying to escape. The chains are far too thick. And don't dream of being rescued either. The only way in is secret. And only the Prince, the Count, and I know how to get in and out."

"Then I'm here till I die?" William asked for confirmation.

"Till they kill you. Yeah," Clem walked away to wring out the cloth.

William watched him. "Then why bother curing me?"

"The Prince and the Count always insist on everyone being healthy before they're broken," Clem said with a slight smirk.

"So it's to be torture," William said. Clem nodded. William looked away from Clem. "I can cope with torture."

Clem shook his head.

"You don't believe me?" William said, no emotion in his voice.

Clem shrugged slightly. "You survived the Fire Swamp. You must be very brave..." Clem did a little pause. "But nobody withstands The Machine." Only when Clem walked away did William show fear.

Alexander was sad, his face pale. He looked ill. He wandered down a corridor in Florin Castle. As he moved unseeing past an intersecting corridor.

Prince Angelus and Count Rayne watched him pass by. "He's been like that ever since the Fire Swamp," the prince said. He looked at Rayne. "It's my father's failing health that's upsetting him."

"Of course," Count Rayne said unbelievingly.

_The King died that very night, and before the following dawn, Alexander and Angelus were married._

_The main square of Florin Castle was packed more than it had been the day Prince Angelus announced his engagement to Alexander._

_Angelus who was now king, Rayne and Alexander stood high on the balcony._

_At noon, Alexander met his subjects again. This time as their King._

_King Angelus raised his hands signaling everyone to be silent. "My father's final words were "love him as I loved him, and there will be joy." I present to you your King. King Alexander."_

_The crowd turned to the archway just as Alexander appeared. The crowd suddenly went to its knees, wave after wave of silent kneeling people. All of them down._

_Alexander was touched just as before, but then he seemed stunned as someone started to boo. The booing got louder as an old woman approached Alexander through the crowd, booing every step of the way._

"_Why do you do this?" Alexander asked, confused by the hatred in the woman's eyes._

"_Because you had love in your hands, and you gave it up," the old woman said._

_Alexander became distraught at the mention of William. "But they would have killed William if I hadn't done it."_

"_Your true love lives and you marry another." She pointed into the crowd. "True love saved you in the Fire Swamp, and you treated it like garbage. And that's what he is, the King of Refuse! So, bow down to him if you want. Bow to him. Bow to the King of Slime, the King of Filth, the King of Putrescence. Boo! Boo! Rubbish! Filth! Slime! Muck! Boo! Boo!" She advanced on Alexander now, who was more and more panicked._

_Louder and louder and louder she shrieked disapproval at Alexander. She reached out her old hands toward Alexander's throat, and he was as frightened now as Dorothy was when the Witch went after her in "The Wizard of Oz"._

Alexander came out of his nightmare, alone in his castle bedroom. He frantically grabbed a robe and started to run.

It was ten days till the wedding. The king was still live, but Alexander's nightmares grew steadily worse. He burst into Prince Angelus's chambers. Count Rayne stood nearby.

"It comes to this. I love William. I always have. I know now I always will. If you tell me I must marry you in ten days, please believe I will be dead by morning."

Prince Angelus stood stunned by Alexander's entrance and declaration. Finally, softly, he spoke. "I could never cause you grief; consider our wedding off." Prince Angelus turned to Rayne. "You returned this William to his ship?"

"Yes," Count Rayne nodded.

"Then we will simply alert him." Angelus turned back to Alexander. "Beloved, are you certain he still wants you? After all, it was you who did the leaving in the Fire Swamp. Not to mention that pirates are not known to be men of their words."

"My William will always come for me," Alexander said, not a doubt in his mind.

Angelus had to stop himself from rolling his eyes. "I suggest a deal. You write four copies of a letter. I'll send my four fastest ships. One in each direction. The Dread Pirate Roberts is always close to Florin this time of year. We'll run up the white flag and deliver your message. If William wants you, bless you both. If not..." Angelus walked closer to Alexander. "Please consider me as an alternative to suicide. Are we agreed?"

Alexander nodded, knowing that an alternative would not be needed. William would come.

Angelus and Rayne walked through a very thick grove of trees. The trees were unusual in one respect: all of them were extraordinarily heavily knotted.

"Your prince is really a winning creature. A trifle simple, perhaps, but his appeal is undeniable," Rayne stated.

"Oh, I know. The people are quite taken with him. It's odd." Angelus stopped walking. "But when I hired Snyder to have Alexander murdered on our engagement day, I thought that was clever. But it's going to be so much more moving when I strangle him on our wedding night. Once Guilder is blamed, the nation will be truly outraged. They'll demand we go to war."

They were deeper into the grove now. Rayne searched around. "Now, where is that secret knot? It's impossible to find." He found the knot on the tree with one try, he hit it, and it opened to reveal a staircase that led underground. He started to descend. "Are you coming down into the Pit? William's got his strength back. I am starting him on The Machine tonight."

"Ethan, you know how much I love watching you work." Angelus took a few steps towards Ethan. "But I've got my country's five hundredth anniversary to plan, my wedding to arrange, my husband to murder, and Guilder to frame for it. I'm swamped."

Rayne nodded his head in sympathy. "Get some rest. If you haven't got your health, you haven't got anything." Rayne smiled and hurried down the stairs as the tree slid back perfectly into place.

When Rayne made his way down to the Pit of Despair he saw that William was still chained to the table. The only difference now was that there were suction cups connected to his nipples and either side of his head. A leather strap covered his mouth.

Rayne removed the leather from William's mouth. "Beautiful, isn't it?" he asked as Clem started to attach thick tubes to the suction cups. "It took me half a lifetime to invent it. I'm sure you've discovered my deep and abiding interest in pain. At present I'm writing the definitive work on the subject. So I want you to be totally honest with me on how The Machine makes you feel."

William just looked at Rayne.

There was a dial with numbers ranging from a low of "1" to a high of "50." Rayne went over to it. "This being our first try, I'll use the lowest setting." And then he turned the dial to "1".

William said nothing, and kept control of himself.

Rayne fiddled with his Machine a moment more. And then he opened the flood gate, water poured down the chute, turned the wheel, which in turn really got The Machine going.

William struggled against the thick, metal chains. Thick, but such was his desperation it almost seemed he might break them. A terrible sound came from his throat, a never-ending gasp. It kept on going until Rayne switched off The Machine, and then he picked up a large notebook and pen, sat in a chair. The noise of The Machine subsided. Rayne opened the book to a blank page.

Clem stood aside watching with a smile on his face. It never got old watching the pain they caused people. It was fun.

"As you know, the concept of the suction pump is centuries old. Well, really, that's all this is. Except that instead of sucking water, I'm sucking life. I've just sucked one year of your life away. I might one day go as high as five, but I really don't know what that would do to you. So, let's just start with what we have. What did this do to you? Tell me. And remember, this is for posterity, so be honest… how do you feel?"

William was in anguish so deep it is dizzying. Helpless, he cried. Rayne watched the tears and then started to write. "Interesting."

Angelus was in his quarters, swamped by piles of papers that were strewn all over. Penn, a pale, shifty, quick-eyed man, appeared in the doorway. "Penn."

"Sire," Penn greeted. He rushed over to Angelus's side and knelt beside him. His arm rested on the arm of Angelus's chair. He quickly removed it and Angelus placed his own arm on it.

"As Chief Enforcer of all Florin, I trust you with this secret: killers from Guilder are infiltrating the Thieves' Forest and plan to murder my groom our wedding night," Angelus told Penn, sounding as upset as he could.

Penn shook his head with disbelief. "My spy network has heard no such news."

Angelus was about to tell Penn off. How dare he be questioned!

"Any word from William?" Alexander asked from the doorway, making Angelus and Penn turn to him.

Both Angelus and Penn stood. "Too soon, my angel. Patience," Angelus said.

"He will come for me," Alexander said. He straightened his back.

"Of course," Angelus replied. When Alexander left they both sat again. "He will not be murdered. On the day of the wedding, I want the Thieves' Forest emptied and every inhabitant arrested."

Penn scoffed. "Many of the thieves will resist. My regular enforcers will be inadequate."

"Form a Brute Squad then!" Angelus yelled, making Penn jump. "I want the Thieves' Forest emptied before I wed."

"It won't be easy, Sire," Penn said with a shake of his head.

Angelus appeared exhausted. "Try ruling the world sometime."

Penn gave a confused look but he would do as he was ordered.


	9. Chapter 8

Title: A Fairytale Story 8/11

Author: Forsaken2003

Pairing: William/Xander  
Rating: R  
Disclaimer: I own none, all belong to Joss Whedon  
Comments: Always welcomed!  
Summary: A classic fairy tale, with swordplay, giants, an evil prince, a handsome hero, and yes, some kissing  
Warnings/Spoilers: Human Verse. Out of Character.

Note: (A Spander adaptation of the movie 'The Princess Bride') Uses actual dialogue from the movie Please don't sue!

Beta'd by: Whichclothes

Note 2: Chapters vary in length.

**Part Eight**

On the day of the wedding the brute squad had their hands full as they carried out Angelus's orders. A lot of hollering was going on. The thieves were being rounded up by the brute squad, a large group of large men. Penn stood on a wagon in the midst of all the scuffling.

"Is everybody out?" Penn asked to an unpleasant looking assistant.

"Almost. There's a Brit giving us some trouble," the brute confessed.

"Well, you give him some trouble. Move!" Penn started off, leaving the brute squad to finish the job.

Rupert was drunk as a skunk, sprawled in front of a hovel; a bottle of brandy was in one hand, in the other was the six-fingered sword. He looked awful. Unshaven, puffy-eyed, and gaunt. But the way he brandished the great sword in front of him would give anyone cause for worry. "I am waiting for you, Snyder. You told me to go back to the beginning. So I have. This is where I am, and this is where I'll stay. I will not be moved." He took a long drink from his brandy bottle. He stopped as the Assistant Brute came into view.

The brute came from the side of the hovel, a mace in his hand "Ho there," his voice was low and gravely. "I do not budge. Keep your 'Ho there.'" Rupert waved his sword dangerously.

"But the prince gave orders…." the brute insisted.

Rupert swung his sword multiple times driving the brute back. He somehow managed to stand up before tripping. "So did Snyder. When a job went wrong, you went back to the beginning. And this is where we got the job. So it's the beginning, and I'm staying till Snyder comes." Rupert was able to keep his sword up.

The assistant brute gestured to someone behind Rupert. "You! Brute! Come here."

"I. Am. Waiting. For. Snyder," Rupert punctuated each word.

Rupert was grabbed by the front of his shirt by two huge hands. "You surely are a meanie." He compared one to his own smaller hand. He tilted his head back and saw… "Hello," Larry said, his hands still on Rupert but more to keep him from falling over.

"It's you," Rupert said with a smile. He found his friend!

Larry smiled back. "True!"

The Assistant Brute was just about to club Rupert's brains out, but Larry was faster and punched the Assistant Brute first. The Assistant Brute took the full force of the blow right in the jaw. It was like he was shot from a cannon as he staggered backwards across the street. Chickens squawked in distress as the brute almost landed on them.

"You don't look so good," Larry said and after Rupert blasted air in protest he added. "You don't smell so good either."

"Perhaps not," Rupert said, still smiling. "I feel fine."

"Yeah?" Larry let go of Rupert to see him stand on his own.

Rupert promptly passed out, falling face-first onto the ground.

Larry took them into an empty alehouse in the thieves' quarters. Rupert sat slumped in a chair, while Larry spoon-fed him some stew.

Larry and Rupert were reunited. And as Larry nursed his inebriated friend back to health, he told Rupert of Snyder's death and the existence of Count Rayne, the six-fingered man. Considering

Rupert's lifelong search, he handled the news surprisingly well. He fainted again, this time into his stew.

Two large barrels were filled with water. One filled with steaming water, the other with icy water. Without a word Larry dunked Rupert's head into the icy water, then, after a reasonable amount of time, pulled him out, ducked him into the steaming stuff, and, a short time after that, put him back in the cold again, then back in the hot. Larry took great care in reviving Rupert.

"That's enough." Rupert broke away from Larry's hold and stumbled back. "That's enough! Where is this Rayne so I may kill him?"

"He's with the Prince in the Castle. But the castle gate is guarded by thirty men."

Rupert kicked the table, spilling the stew. "How many could you handle?"

"I don't think more than ten," Larry said sadly.

Rupert did the math on his fingers. "That leaves twenty for me. At my best, I could never defeat that many." He sunk sadly down into a chair. "I need Snyder to plan. I have no gift for strategy."

"But Snyder is dead," Larry reminded Rupert.

They were both silent and mourning. Then a wild look hit Rupert. "No, not Snyder. I need the Man in Black."

"What?" Larry leaned closer to make sure he hear right.

"Look." Rupert stood and stumbled over to Larry. "He bested you with strength, your greatness. He bested me with steel. He must have outthought Snyder, and a man who can do that can plan my castle's onslaught any day. Let's go." Rupert rushed to the door.

"Where?" Larry asked.

"To find the Man in Black, obviously," Rupert replied.

"But you don't know where he is."

Rupert turned back towards Larry. He had a look as if he was possessed by demons. "Don't bother me with trifles; after twenty years, at last, my father's soul will be at peace. There will be blood tonight!" Rupert yelled the last part out before he ran out the door.

Angelus was back in his chambers, maps strewn about. He was sharpening his dagger with a rock. Penn rushed in and knelt in front of Angelus's desk. "Rise and report," Angelus ordered. He stopped sharpening the dagger and began to polish it.

Penn stood. "The Thieves' Forest is emptied. Thirty men guard the castle gate."

"Double it. My Prince must be safe," Angelus said, looking up from his dagger.

"The gate has but one key, and I carry that." Penn showed the key, dangling from a chain around his neck.

Just at that moment, Alexander entered.

Angelus set the dagger down and dashed to Alexander. "Ah! My sweet darling." He took hold of Alexander's hands. "Tonight we marry." Angelus looked at Penn. "Tomorrow morning, your men will escort us to Florin Channel where every ship in my armada waits to accompany us on our honeymoon."

"Every ship but your four fastest, you mean," Alexander corrected.

Angelus looked at him blankly.

"Every ship but the four you sent," Alexander said, looking worried.

"Yes." Angelus remembered his tiny white lie. "Yes, of course. Naturally, not those four."

Alexander stared at Angelus, realizing he had been fooled.

Penn feeling the sudden tension bowed and headed for the exit. "Your Majesties."

"You never sent the ships. Don't bother lying. It doesn't matter. William will come for me anyway," Alexander said, his voice full of certainty.

"You're a silly child," Angelus said as he went back to his desk.

Alexander followed him. "Yes, I am a silly child, for not having seen sooner that you were nothing but a coward with a heart full of fear."

Angelus snapped the dagger into his sheath. He was close to erupting and spoke very clearly. "I-would-not-say-such-things-if-I-were-you."

"Why not?" Alexander asked, showing no fear. "You can't hurt me. William and I are joined by the bonds of love. And you cannot track that. Not with a thousand bloodhounds. And you cannot break it. Not with a thousand swords." He walked around the desk getting into Angelus's face. "And when I say you are a coward that is only because you are the slimiest weakling ever to crawl the earth."

Angelus jumped at him, yanking Alexander's head back by his shaggy hair, and started to pull him along, out of control, his words indistinct.

"IWOULDNOTSAYSUCHTHINGSIFIWER EYOU!" Angelus threw open the door to Alexander's room pushed him in, slammed it shut, locked it, and broke into a wild run.

The machine wasn't on as Rayne added more notes to his book. He looked up as Angelus suddenly came down the steps, raging.

Angelus went directly to William. "You truly love each other, and so you might have been truly happy. Not one couple in a century has that chance, no matter what the storybooks say. And so I think no man in a century will suffer as greatly as you will." And with that he whirled, turned on The Machine, and grabbed the lever.

Rayne yelled out. "Not to fifty!

But it was too late. Angelus shoved the lever all the way up.

There had never been such pain as the pain William was feeling. The pain grew and grew and with it now, something else started. The death scream.

Outside the pit of despair as the sound moved along, louder and louder. Penn and his sixty brutes heard the screams. Some of them bared it, and a few of the brutes turned to each other in fear, and as the scream built Alexander heard the sound, he didn't know what it was, but his arms involuntarily went around his body to try to control the trembling.

The scream was still building and the people in the marketplace could hear the anguish. Rupert and Larry made their way through the mobbed marketplace, which suddenly quieted as the fading sound came through.

Rupert raised his hand. "Larry, Larry, listen, do you hear? That is the sound of ultimate suffering. My heart made that sound when Rayne slaughtered my father. The man in black makes it now."

"The man in black?" Larry asked.

"His true love is marrying another tonight, so who else has cause for ultimate suffering?" Rupert tried to push through the crowd. "Excuse me." But it was too crowded. "Pardon me, it's important." Still no one budged and the sound was fading faster. "Larry, please…"

Larry roared. "Everybody ... MOVE!" The crowd began to fall away, and he and Rupert started to track the fading sound.

"Thank you," Rupert said his steps quickened.

Clem was wheeling a barrow in the grove of the trees near the pit of despair. Rupert appeared, his sword pushed at Clem's chest. "Where is the man in black?"

Clem said nothing.

"Larry, jog his memory," Rupert said.

Larry smashed Clem on the top of the head as if he had a hammer and was driving in a nail. Clem dropped without a sound. Clearly upset Larry. "I'm sorry, Rupert. I didn't mean to jog him so hard. Rupert?"

Rupert knelt, the sword held tight between his hands. Eyes closed, he faced the grove of trees and started to talk, his voice low and strange. "Father, I have failed you for twenty years. Now our misery can end. Somewhere ... somewhere close by is a man who can help us. I cannot find him alone. I need you. I need you to guide my sword. Please." And he rose, his eyes still closed. "Guide my sword."

Rupert's eyes shut tight, he walked forward, the great sword held in his hands. Frightened Larry followed close behind.

They came to the tree with the secret stairway. Rupert moved to the secret knot, he hesitated, and then moved past it. Rupert stopped again. For a long moment he stood frozen. Suddenly he whirled, eyes still closed, and the sword struck home dead center into a knot and -

Nothing. Rupert had failed. In utter despair he collapsed against the tree, against a knot in the tree. Against the secret knot of the tree. It slid away and revealed the staircase. Larry and Rupert looked at each other and then started down.

Larry leaned over William, who was no longer chained, hoping for a heartbeat. Then he looked at Rupert, and shook his head. "He's dead."

Rupert was in despair. For a moment, he just sagged. Barely able to speak he said. "It just is not fair." He then stood up straight. "Well, we Giles's have never taken defeat easily. Come along, Larry. Bring the body."

"The body?" Larry asked not understanding.

Not stopping Rupert asked. "Have you any money?"

"I have a little," Larry said still confused.

"I just hope it's enough to buy a miracle, that's all," Rupert said with a smile.

Larry picked up William and followed Rupert up the stairs.


	10. Chapter 9

Title: A Fairytale Story 9/11

Author: Forsaken2003

Pairing: William/Xander  
Rating: R  
Disclaimer: I own none, all belong to Joss Whedon  
Comments: Always welcomed!  
Summary: A classic fairy tale, with swordplay, giants, an evil prince, a handsome hero, and yes, some kissing  
Warnings/Spoilers: Human Verse. Out of Character.

Note: (A Spander adaptation of the movie 'The Princess Bride') Uses actual dialogue from the movie Please don't sue!

Beta'd by: Whichclothes

Note 2: Chapters vary in length.

**Part Nine**

Rupert, and Larry who was still carrying William approached the door of a hovel. It was just about dusk and they were running out of time. They knocked and from inside the hovel a woman's voice is heard.

"Go away!" a squeaking voice shouted.

Rupert, not one to give up, pounded on the door again.

A woman who appeared no older than twenty but was much older than that opened a small window in the door. "What? What?"

"Are you the Miracle Anya who worked for the King all those years?" Rupert asked, hopeful.

"The King's stinking son fired me. And thank you so much for bringing up such a painful subject. While you're at it, why don't you give me a nice paper cut and pour lemon juice on it? We're closed!" She shut the window. They rapped on the door some more. Anya opened the window again. "Beat it or I'll call the Brute Squad."

"I'm on the Brute Squad," Larry said. He held William under one arm.

Anya looked at the Giant. "You _are_ the Brute Squad."

"We need a miracle. It's very important," Rupert said desperately.

"Look, I'm retired. And besides, why would you want someone the King's stinking son fired? I might kill whoever you wanted me to miracle," Anya said self-consciously.

"He's already dead," Rupert said hoping that would change her mind.

For the first time Anya was interested. "He is, eh? I'll take a look. Bring him in."

She unlocked the door and let them in.

Rupert and Larry hurried inside. Larry carried William who started to stiffen up a little. He laid William down across a bench by the fireplace. Anya picked William's arm up and let it drop limp. "I've seen worse," Anya said as she studied William a moment, checking here and checking there.

"Madam. Madam," Rupert said.

"Hah?" Anya said, distracted by William's dead body.

"We're really in a terrible rush," Rupert replied.

Anya didn't let anyone tell her what to do. Which could have been the problem with the King. "Don't rush me, sonny. You rush a miracle woman, you get rotten miracles. You got money?"

"Sixty-five," Rupert said, reaching into his pocket.

"Sheesh!" Anya through his hands into the air. "I never worked for so little, except once, and that was a very noble cause."

"This is noble, madam." Rupert pointed to William, remorseful. "His wife is crippled. His children are on the brink of starvation."

"Are you a rotten liar," Anya said with disgust.

Rupert leaned over the table, tired of talking. "I need him to help avenge my father, murdered these twenty years."

"Your first story was better," Anya said. She looked around. "Where's that bellows?" She walked around before she spotted it. "He probably owes you money, huh? Well, I'll ask him."

She went and got the huge bellows.

"He's dead. He can't talk," Rupert said stupefied.

"Look who knows so much." Anya picked up the bellows and waved it around. "Well, it just so happens that your friend here is only mostly dead. There's a big difference between mostly dead and all dead. Please, open his mouth."

Rupert did as he was told. Anya inserted the bellows in William's mouth and started to pump. "Now, mostly dead is slightly alive. Now, all dead...well, with all dead, there's usually only one thing that you can do."

"What's that?" Rupert asked.

Anya stopped pumping. "Go through his clothes and look for loose change." She started to pump again. After a few more pumps Miracle Anya set the bellows down and began to speak to William loudly. "Hey! Hello in there. Hey! What's so important? What you got here that's worth living for?" And she pressed lightly on William's chest.

"... tr ... oooo ... luv..."

Everybody stared at William lying there on the bench.

"True love. You heard him. You could not ask for a more noble cause than that." Rupert became excited.

"Sonny, true love is the greatest thing in the world. Except for a nice MLT, a mutton, lettuce and tomato sandwich, where the mutton is nice and lean and the tomato is ripe." Rupert leaned away from William and Anya as she compared love to a sandwich. "They're so perky, I love that. But that's not what he said. He distinctly said 'to blave.' And, as we all know, 'to blave' means "to bluff." So you're probably playing cards, and he cheated."

"Liar. LIAR. LI-A-A-AR." Willow, an ancient fury, stormed out of a back room and towards Anya.

Anya raised her arm trying to keep Willow at arm's length. "Get back, witch."

Willow smacked Anya on the arm. "I'm not a witch, I'm your wife. But after what you just said, I'm not even sure I want to be that anymore."

"You never had it so good," Anya said. She then turned to Rupert and Larry, giving them an apologetic smile for her wife.

""True love." Willow said, "true love, Anya. My God," she continued on with her rant.

Anya retreated from Willow. "Don't say another word, Willow."

Willow turned to Rupert and Larry. "She's afraid. Ever since Prince Angelus fired her, her confidence is shattered."

"Why'd you say that name? You promised me that you would never say that name." Anya started to become upset.

Willow started to pursue Anya now. "What, Angelus? Angelus. Angelus. Ooo-ooo, Angelus."

Anya held her hands over her ears. "I'm not listening."

Rupert stared at them wondering if he'd made a mistake coming here.

"A life expiring and you don't have the decency to say why you won't help," Willow nagged Anya.

"Nobody's hearing nothing!" Anya declared.

"Angelus. Angelus. Angelus!" Willow started yelling the name.

Rupert had enough of their childish behavior. He leaned over the bench. "But this is Alexander's true love. If you heal him, he will stop Angelus's wedding."

Willow kept chanting Angelus's name over Rupert but Anya was able to hear him. "Shut up," she said to Willow before turning her complete attention on Rupert. Did she hear him correctly? "Wait. Wait. I make him better, Angelus suffers?"

"Humiliations galore!" Rupert confirmed, leaning further and further over William.

"That is a noble cause. Give me the sixty-five, I'm on the job," Anya said as she started to work.

Willow shrieked excitedly.

Anya and Willow were exhausted. They looked at a lump about the size of a nectarine pit with blissful pleasure, as Willow covered the thing with what looked like chocolate. Rupert and Larry stared at the thing too, but more suspiciously.

A little appalled, Rupert asked. "That's a miracle pill?"

Anya nodded.

Willow finished coating the pill. "The chocolate coating makes it go down easier. But you have to wait fifteen minutes for full potency. And you shouldn't go swimming after, for at least, what?" she asked Anya.

"An hour," Anya established as she passed Rupert a bag that now held the pill. He accepted the pill as Larry took William, who was stiff as a board now.

"Yeah, an hour," Willow repeated.

Anya was nodding. "A good hour. Yeah." Larry had to wonder if the pill didn't really affect swimming.

Rupert headed out the door, Larry close behind. "Thank you for everything."

"Okay." Anya and Willow followed them out the door.

Willow waved after them. "Bye-bye, boys."

"Have fun storming the castle," Anya yelled after them

Willow turned to Anya looking worried. "Think it'll work?"

Anya snorted and then whispered. "It would take a miracle."


	11. Chapter 10

Title: A Fairytale Story 10/11

Author: Forsaken2003

Pairing: William/Xander  
Rating: R  
Disclaimer: I own none, all belong to Joss Whedon  
Comments: Always welcomed!  
Summary: A classic fairy tale, with swordplay, giants, an evil prince, a handsome hero, and yes, some kissing  
Warnings/Spoilers: Human Verse. Out of Character.

Note: (A Spander adaptation of the movie 'The Princess Bride') Uses actual dialogue from the movie Please don't sue!

Beta'd by: Whichclothes

Note 2: Chapters vary in length.

**Part Ten **

Larry, Rupert and William sat on the top of the outer wall of the castle. They looked down at the front gate of the castle. The sixty Brutes were visible. Larry was flabbergasted by how many Brutes there were. Upset, he turned to Rupert, who was concentrating unsuccessfully, trying to prop William against the wall. "Rupert… there's more than thirty."

Rupert was absolutely unfazed. "What's the difference?" He indicated to the half dead William.

"We've got him. Help me here. We'll have to force feed him."

Larry grabbed William's arm, setting him straight to lean against the wall but William proceeded to fall and whacked his head against Rupert's shoulder. "Has it been fifteen minutes?" Larry asked.

"We can't wait. The wedding's in half an hour and we must strike in the hustle and the bustle beforehand. Tilt his head back."

Larry grabbed William by the back of the neck and tilted his head back, while Rupert brought out the miracle pill.

"Open his mouth," Rupert ordered.

Following directions, Larry pinched William's cheeks forcing his mouth open seconds before Rupert jammed the pill down William's throat. "How long do we have to wait before we know if the miracle works?"

"Your guess is as good as mine." Rupert's face was centimeters from William's as he watched for something to happen.

William's eyes popped open and he was frantic. "I'll beat you both apart. I'll take you both together."

Larry placed a big hand on William's mouth to shut him up. "Guess not very long." He removed his hand.

"Why won't my arms move?" William asked. He sat there, immobile, like a ventriloquist's dummy.

"You've been mostly dead all day," Larry said as if it was an everyday occurrence.

"We had Miracle Anya make a pill to bring you back," Rupert explained as he patted William on the shoulder.

William was still confused. "Who are bloody hell you? Are we enemies? Why am I on this wall? Where's Alexander?"

"Let me explain." Rupert paused very briefly then shook his head. "No, there is too much. Let me sum up. Alexander is marrying Angelus in a little less than half an hour, so all we have to do is get in, break up the wedding, steal the Prince, and make our escape after I kill Count Rayne."

"That doesn't leave much time for dilly dallying," William watched his fingers; one of them twitched.

"You've just wiggled your finger. That's wonderful." Larry smiled happily.

William looked at Larry without moving his head since he couldn't. "I've always been a quick healer." Back to Rupert. "What are our liabilities?"

"There is but one working castle gate." Larry helped Rupert raise William just high enough so he can see for himself. "And it is guarded by sixty men." They set William back down.

"And our assets?" William asked. Alexander was so close! He needed to get to him!

"Your brains, Larry's strength, my steel," Rupert said as he pointed to each of them.

William was absolutely stunned. "That's it? Impossible. If I had a month to plan, maybe I could come up with something. But this..." He shook his head from side to side.

Larry tried to be cheery. "You just shook your head. That doesn't make you happy?"

William's head flopped in multiple directions before it stopped in Larry's way. "My brains, his steel, and your strength against sixty men, and you think a little head jiggle is supposed to make me bloody happy?" Larry smiled, thinking that yes, it should make William happy. William continued on. "I mean, if we only had a wheelbarrow that would be something."

"Where did we put that wheelbarrow that Clem chap had?" Rupert asked Larry.

"Over Clem, I think," Larry said. It seemed like a good idea at the time.

"Well, why didn't you list that among our sodding assets in the first place?" William said with an eye roll. It became clear that he was indeed the brains of this rescue operation. "What I wouldn't give for a holocaust cloak."

Rupert shook his head. "There we cannot help you."

Larry pulled one out from underneath his shirt. "Will this do?"

"Where did you get that?" Rupert asked in surprise.

"At Miracle Anya's. It fit so nice; she said I could keep it," Larry answered.

Time was wasting. "All right, all right. Come on, help me up," William said.

Rupert and Larry did. Larry all but draped William over Rupert's back.

"Now, I'll need a sword eventually," William said as his head went limp and fell forward. Larry grabbed him by the hair and held his head up.

"Why? You can't even lift one." Rupert had one of William's arms around his shoulders.

"True, but that's hardly common knowledge, is it?" William said and his head tilted limply back. Larry set it upright for him. "Thank you. Now, there may be problems once we're inside." Again his head fell forward. This time Larry kept his hand on the top of William's head, which caused William's blond hair to go into his eyes.

"I'll say. How do I find the Count? Once I do, how do I find you again? Once I find you again, how do we escape?" Rupert rushed out all the questions.

Larry tilted William's head against his chest and said sharply. "Don't pester him; he's had a hard day." He then turned the head, back so William was facing Rupert.

"Right, right, sorry," Rupert said.

Larry made William nod his head accepting the apology.

With William pressed between Rupert and Larry, they moved along the wall in silence for a short time.

"Rupert," Larry said quietly.

"What?" Rupert asked.

Larry swallowed. "I hope we win..."

Alexander was in his wedding attire and he looked incredible. It's not just his gorgeousness, but there was a serenity about him now.

Angelus pinned a rose to Alexander's jacket, his hands rubbing against the muscles hidden underneath the clothing. What a wonderful wedding night they would have. Angelus would bed Alexander before he strangled him. Angelus got chills. "You don't seem excited, my little muffin."

"Should I be?" Alexander asked.

"Grooms often are, I'm told," Angelus said with a smile. Their marriage might not last through the night but he had to let Alexander know exactly where he stood in the marriage.

Alexander showed no emotion. "I do not marry tonight," Alexander said gently but confidently. "My William will save me." He couldn't seem more serene.

At the main gate of the castle, Penn stood, flanked by his sixty Brutes.

William, Rupert and Larry looked out at the enemy. This was it. Rupert and Larry shook hands.

William couldn't even do that, but after a bit of rocking back and forth, he managed to get enough momentum to catapult his arm over and onto his friend's.

Alexander and Angelus knelt before the clergyman in a gem-like little chapel. Behind them sat the mumbling old king and queen. Standing in the back was Count Rayne.

Four guards were in position, flanking the chapel door.

The most intelligent looking, the most impressive appearing clergyman imaginable began to speak. "Mawidge...mawidge is what bwings us togever today..." He had an impairment that would stop a clock. "Mawidge, the bwessed awwangement, that dweam wiffim a dweam..."

From outside the castle there began a commotion. They could hear Penn yelling. "Stand your ground, men. Stand your ground."

The Brutes and Penn were by the gate, and they were indeed making a commotion. They were all frightened and pointing in front of them.

"Stand your ground," Penn yelled. Angelus had been right, someone did plan on killing the groom to be. But he couldn't be seeing what he was seeing. A giant seemed to be floating toward them out of the darkness, a giant in a strange cloak, and with a voice that would crumble walls.

"I AM THE DREAD PIRATE ROBERTS. THERE WILL BE NO SURVIVORS," Larry said with a deep and booming voice.

Larry seemed to be floating because he was standing in the wheelbarrow. Rupert, hidden behind him, was close to busting a gut from pushing it plus supporting William. "Now?" Rupert asked, grunting.

"Not yet," William said, making Rupert grunt louder. It was easy for him to say; it was Rupert doing all the work. Larry was bloody heavy!

Larry floated closer to the gate. "MY MEN ARE HERE, AND I AM HERE, BUT SOON YOU WILL NOT BE HERE."

Penn kept the Brutes in position, or tried to. He shouted orders, instructions and the Brutes stood their ground.

Rupert struggled bravely under their combined weight. He didn't know how much longer he would last. "Now?"

"Light him," William said.

The Brutes almost pissed themselves as Larry suddenly burst happily into flames.

"THE DREAD PIRATE ROBERTS TAKES NO SURVIVORS. ALL YOUR WORST NIGHTMARES ARE ABOUT TO COME TRUE," Larry roared.

In the chapel, the Impressive Clergyman plowed on. "... Ven wuv, twoo wuv, wiw fowwow you fowever.."

Angelus turned quickly and gave a sharp nod to Rayne, who immediately took off out of the chapel with the four guards.

Larry was in flames and scary as hell. "THE DREAD PIRATE ROBERTS IS HERE FOR YOUR SOULS!"

Suddenly the Brutes just screamed and took off in wild panic. "Stay where you are. I said stay where you are!" Penn ordered but he was ignored.

Larry moved closer and closer, driving Penn back to the wood gate.

"... so tweasuwe your vruv.." the impressive clergyman continued as he tried to block out the chaos going on outside the castle gates.

Getting impatient Angelus interrupted. "Skip to the end."

The impressive clergyman blinked but did as he was told. "Have you the wing?"

As Angelus whipped out the ring, the screams were very loud outside.

"Here comes my William now," Alexander said. He knew he wouldn't marry Angelus!

Larry pulled off the holocaust cloak.

"Larry, the gate," William said as he was still draped against Rupert.

Larry rushed forward and grabbed the gate, which was closing quickly. When Larry had a grip on the gate he swung the weight back upward. Penn just watched in fear.

Angelus shoved the ring onto Alexander's finger. "Your William is dead."

Alexander could only smile as he shook his head.

"I killed him myself," Angelus declared with glee. The memory of William's screams still rang in his ears. It was one of the most beautiful things he'd ever heard.

Alexander never seemed more at peace. "Then why is there fear behind your eyes?" And he was right. It was there.

Penn was pressed against the main gate. William, Rupert, and Larry closed in on him.

"Give us the gate key," said Rupert.

With every ounce of honesty he had Penn replied. "I have no gate key."

"Larry, tear his arms off," Rupert instructed.

Larry stepped toward Penn.

"Oh, you mean this gate key." And Penn whipped out the key and handed it to Larry.

The ceremony was growing closer to the end and there was still no William.

"And do you, Pwince Alesadew..." the impressive clergyman said and was once again interrupted by an impatient Angelus.

"Man and husband. Say man and husband..." Angelus growled.

Sick of being in the presences of Angelus the impressive clergy said, "Man and husband."

The air was knocked from Alexander's body.

Whirling to the king and queen, his hand tightly on Alexander's arm, Angelus all but pushed him into the king. "Escort the groom to the Honeymoon Suite. I'll be there shortly," Angelus said then dashed off.

Alexander stood there dazed. "He didn't come."


	12. Chapter 11

Title: A Fairytale Story 11/11

Author: Forsaken2003

Pairing: William/Xander  
Rating: R  
Disclaimer: I own none, all belong to Joss Whedon  
Comments: Always welcomed!  
Summary: A classic fairy tale, with swordplay, giants, an evil prince, a handsome hero, and yes, some kissing  
Warnings/Spoilers: Human Verse. Out of Character.

Note: (A Spander adaptation of the movie 'The Princess Bride') Uses actual dialogue from the movie Please don't sue!

Beta'd by: Whichclothes

Note 2: Chapters vary in length.

**Part Eleven**

Count Rayne and his four warriors raced through the castle, and as they reached a complex intersection of several corridors, Rayne stopped, unbelieving. William, Rupert, and Larry moved towards them. Actually Larry was dragging William, who was, in turn, dragging Penn's sword like a stiff dog leash. William simply didn't have the strength to raise it.

Before the confrontation was about to start Rayne said, "Kill the dark one and the giant, but leave the third for questioning."

As the warriors attacked Rupert went wild, and maybe the warriors were good, maybe they were even better than that but they never got a chance to show it because this was something new, this was Rupert gone mad and the six-fingered sword had never flashed faster and the fourth warrior was dead before the first one had even hit the floor. There was a pause before Rupert spoke to Rayne. His voice was even and soft. "Hello. My name is Rupert Giles. You killed my father. Prepare to die."

For a moment Rayne just stood there, sword in hand. Then he did the most unexpected thing. He turned and ran the hell away.

Rupert was momentarily surprised, and then took off after him, leaving William and Larry to exchange curious looks. Rayne ran through a half-open heavy wooden door, shut it and locked it just as Rupert threw himself against it. He tried again, even though he had no kind of chance.

"Larry, I need you," Rupert shouted as he continued to try to break the door down.

Larry, who still held up William because he was still unable to walk under his own power, called back. "I can't leave him alone."

Rupert desperately pounded at the heavy door. "He's getting away from me, Larry. Please. LARRY!"

"I'll be right back," Larry said to William and he propped William up against a large suit of armor and took off toward the intersection where Rupert's voice came from.

Rupert still hammered the door, his blood boiling. Larry approached, gestured for him to stop, and with one mighty swipe of his mighty hands the door crumbled. "Thank you." And Rupert flew through as Larry headed back to William.

Alexander walked down the corridor with the king and queen. The queen, more energetic, was several paces ahead.

"Strange wedding," the king commented. He could hardly be understood.

"Yes. A very strange wedding. Come along." The queen's demeanor never changed.

Alexander gently stopped the king and placed a kiss on his forehead. The King was very surprised. "What was that for?"

"Because you've always been so kind to me." Alexander smiled softly before turning serious. "And I won't be seeing you again since I'm killing myself once we reach the Honeymoon Suite," Alexander said.

The kind smiled away, his hearing wasn't what it once was. "Won't that be nice?" He called out to the queen. "He kissed me..."

Rayne ran and dashed through the corridors and as he glanced back Rupert was behind him, coming like a bat out of hell.

Larry stood gaping in the intersection with the large suit of armor. He stared at all the choices, trying to piece together the puzzle of the missing William.

Rayne flashed out of one room, down a staircase. His pace had picked up. He pulled out a deadly looking dagger, with a sharp point and a triangular shaped blade, and sprinted on. Rupert closed the gap, closer, closer and he was down the stairs and headed into a dining hall. Rayne threw the dagger.

Rupert tried like hell to get out of the way, but no, and it stuck deep into his stomach, and he was hurtled back helplessly against the wall of the room, his eyes glazed, blood coming from his wound. The room was going white on him. "... Sorry, Father ... I tried ... I tried..."

Rayne looked across the room at Rupert. He stared at Rupert's face, and then touched his own cheeks, as the memory came back. "You must be that little British brat I taught a lesson to all those years ago. It's simply incredible. Have you been chasing me your whole life only to fail now? I think that's the worst thing I ever heard. How marvelous."

Rupert sank to the floor.

Alexander shut the door of the honeymoon suite and crossed quietly to the far wall where he sat at a table. He opened a jeweled box, and took out a very deadly looking dagger. He seemed very much at peace as he touched the knife to his chest.

"There's a shortage of perfect bodies in this world. It would be a pity to damage yours."

Alexander spun around and saw William lying on the bed. Penn's sword was beside him. His voice sounded just fine, but he did not move. Alexander leapt onto the bed, and covered William with kisses. William was helpless and unable to reciprocate.

"Oh, William, darling." Alexander gave him more kisses. He then pulled back with a frown. "William, why won't you hold me?" Alexander asked his hands all over William.

William was thankful that he could at least kiss Alexander. "Gently," William murmured gently.

"At a time like this that's all you can think to say? 'Gently?'" Alexander asked. He placed his hand on the nape of William's neck and brought William's head up and kissed him again.

William's eyes widened in fear and repeated not so gently. "Gently!"

Alexander, shocked by William's tone let go. There was a loud thump as William's head slammed against the headboard.

Rayne looked very much surprised. "Good heavens. Are you still trying to win?"

Rupert struggled weakly, and pulled the dagger from his stomach. He held the wound with his left hand.

Rayne pushed off from the table, sword in hand, and moved in to kill Rupert. "You've got an overdeveloped sense of vengeance. It's going to get you into trouble someday."

Rupert watched Rayne approach and he flicked his sword at Rupert's heart, and there was not much Rupert could do, just kind of vaguely block the thrust with the six-fingered sword. Rayne's blade sunk deeply into Rupert's left shoulder. Rupert didn't seem to feel it, his other agonies were so much worse.

Rayne stepped back, and went for the heart again. As the next blow came Rupert tried to use the wall for support to force himself to his feet, and it wasn't a roaring success of an attempt, but he did at least make some progress, and again he managed to duck the thrust, as this time Rayne's sword ran through his right arm. Again, Rupert didn't seem to mind, didn't even feel it.

Rayne stepped back for just a moment, as he watched as Rupert continue to inch his way to his feet and then, just before Rayne was about to strike again, Rupert managed a little flick of his own and Rayne hadn't expected it, and he jumped back, and made a little involuntary cry of surprise.

Rupert slowly pushed away from the wall. All but audibly Rupert said, "Hello. My name is Rupert Giles, you killed my father; prepare to die."

Rayne suddenly went into a fierce attack, he struck with great power and precision for he was a master swordsman, and he forced Rupert easily back, and drove him easily into the wall. But he did not penetrate Rupert's defense. None of Rayne's blows came home. He stepped back a moment.

Slowly Rupert pushed off from the wall and said again, a little louder this time, "Hello. My name is Rupert Giles, you killed my father, prepare to die."

Rayne again attacked and slashed with incredible skill. But none of his blows got through and, slowly, Rupert again moved forward. Louder Rupert said, "Hello. My name is Rupert Giles. You killed my father. Prepare to die."

"Stop saying that!" Rayne yelled as he retreated more quickly around the table.

Rupert drove for Rayne's left shoulder now and thrust home where Rayne had gotten him. Then another move and his blade entered Rayne's right shoulder, the same spot Rupert was wounded.

"HELLO! MY NAME IS RUPERT GILES. YOU KILLED MY FATHER. PREPARE TO DIE." Rupert gave it all he had. He then held his six-fingered sword to Rayne's throat.

"No," Rayne stared fearfully at Rupert.

"Offer me money," Rupert ordered. The six-fingered sword struck and there was a slash bleeding along one of Rayne's cheeks.

Rayne hissed in pain. "Yes."

"Power too, promise me that!" Rupert said as the great sword flashed again, and there was a parallel slash bleeding on Rayne's other cheek.

"All that I have and more, please." Rayne's eyes were wide with fear.

Rupert backed up a little bit his sword still high. "Offer me everything I ask for."

"Anything you want." Rayne made one final attempt to fight Rupert but he was deflected and his wrist grabbed tightly.

"I WANT MY FATHER BACK, YOU SON OF A BITCH!" Rupert yelled. And on that almost too fast for the eye to follow, the sword struck one final time and Rayne cried out in fear and panic as the sword hit home dead center. Rupert's sword went clear through Rayne. They were almost frozen like that for a moment. Then Rupert withdrew his sword and Rayne pitched down dead. His skin was ashen and the blood still poured from the parallel cuts on his cheeks and his eyes were bulging wide, full of fear.

Rupert stared at Rayne. And now Rupert did something he hadn't done in years: he smiled. A real smile that wasn't affected by alcohol. He'd revenged his father's death.

Inside the honeymoon suite William laid where he had been; not a muscle had moved. His head was still on the headboard, and Penn's sword at his side.

Alexander was alongside the bed; his eyes never left William's face. "Oh, William, will you ever forgive me?" His fingers danced over William's chest.

William wished that he could move so he could touch Alexander. "What hideous sin have you committed lately?"

"I got married. I didn't want to. It all happened so fast," Alexander said, rushing his explanation.

William shook his head. "It never happened."

"What?" Alexander was confused.

"It never happened," William repeated.

Alexander nodded. "But it did. I was there. This old man said, 'Man and husband.'"

"Did you say, 'I do'?" William asked with a quirk of an eyebrow.

Alexander stopped to think. "Well, no, we sort of skipped that part."

"Then you're not married. If you didn't say it, you didn't do it," William paused. "Wouldn't you agree, Your Highness?"

Angelus entered the room, staring at them. He pulled out his sword. "A technicality that will shortly be remedied, but first things first. To the death." He raised his sword.

"No" William paused again. "To the pain."

Angelus was about to charge but stopped short. "I don't think I'm quite familiar with that phrase."

"I'll explain. And I'll use small words so that you'll be sure to understand, you sodding wart-hog-faced buffoon," William snarled.

Angelus looked truly shocked. "That may be the first time in my life a man has dared insult me."

William lay there comfortably; his words were quiet at first. "It won't be the last. To the pain means the first thing you lose will be your feet, below the ankles, then your hands at the wrists, next your nose."

Angelus gripped his sword. "And then my tongue, I suppose. I killed you too quickly the last time, a mistake I don't mean to duplicate tonight."

"I wasn't finished," William said. "The next thing you lose will be your left eye, followed by your right."

Angelus took a step forward. "And then my ears, I understand. Let's get on with it."

"Wrong! Your ears you keep and I'll tell you why," William went silent to watch Angelus's reaction.

Angelus now stopped, and the look that was in his eyes at the wedding, that look of fear, was starting to return.

When William was happy he continued on. "So that every shriek of every child at seeing your hideousness will be yours to cherish. Every babe that weeps at your approach, every woman who cries out, 'Dear God, what is that thing?' will echo in your perfect ears. That is what 'to the pain' means. It means I leave you in anguish, wallowing in freakish misery forever."

Angelus did his best to hide the fear that kept building inside him. "I think you're bluffing."

William just lay there and stared at him. "It's possible, pig. I might be bluffing. It's conceivable, you miserable vomitous mass, that I'm only lying here because I lack the strength to stand – then again, perhaps I have the strength after all." And now, slowly, William began to move. His body turned, his feet went to the floor, and he started to stand.

Angelus could only stare, his eyes wide.

Now William was standing, his sword pointed at Angelus. "Drop. Your. Sword," William said slowly and determinedly.

Angelus was so panicked he didn't know whether to pee or wind his watch. He threw his sword to the floor.

"Have a seat," William said to Angelus. Angelus all but ran to the chair. After he sat William spoke to Alexander. "Tie him up. Make it as tight as you like."

As Alexander started to tie up Angelus, Rupert entered, looking around. "Where's Larry?"

William leaned against the bed post. "I thought he was with you."

"No," Rupert said with a shake of his head. His hand covered the wound on his chest.

"In that case…" William's balance betrayed him.

"Help him," Rupert ordered Alexander.

Alexander rushed to William's side and put his arm around his waist. "Why does William need helping?"

"Because he has no strength," Rupert said, giving no other details.

Angelus started to wrestle mightily with his bonds. He could already feel his circulation being cut off. "I knew it! I knew you were bluffing! I knew he was bluffing."

Rupert stared at Angelus. "Shall I dispatch him for you?"

William considered it and then. "Thank you, but no – whatever happens to us, I want him to live a long life alone with his cowardice."

Larry yelled from outside the castle. "Rupert! Rupert, where are you?"

They looked at each other, and then moved to the balcony.

Larry was outside the castle and led four great white horses. He glanced up and saw them on the balcony. "Ah, there you are. Rupert, I saw the Prince's stables, and there they were, four white horses. And I thought, there are four of us, if we ever find the lad - hello, lad - so I took them with me, in case we ever bumped into each other." He stopped and thought about what he said. "I guess we just did."

Rupert, William and Alexander looked down at Larry. "Larry, you did something right."

Larry smiled. "Don't worry. I won't let it go to my head." He then held out his great arms.

Alexander was the first to jump from the balcony. Larry caught him before settling him gently on his feet.

William and Rupert watched as Larry caught Alexander. Rupert held one of his wounds. "You know, it's very strange. I have been in the revenge business so long, now that it's over, I don't know what to do with the rest of my life."

William patted Rupert's arm before he got ready for his jump. "Have you ever considered piracy? You'd make a wonderful Dread Pirate Roberts." With that William fell out of the window.

With a shrug Rupert jumped.

The four glorious white horses with their four riders triumphantly raced through the night. Alexander's and William's last trials were done. They rode to freedom. And as dawn rose, William and Alexander knew they were safe. A wave of love swept over them. They reached for each other. Alexander and William began their ultimate kiss locked in a deep, pure and passionate, love. Since the invention of the kiss, there had been five kisses that were rated the most passionate, the most pure. This one left them all behind.

THE END


End file.
